Philly Sports & Hot Sauce

The Chunky Soup Conundrum

2007-12-27T15:45:00.000-05:00

by Jim Ballas

There comes a time in every season when a team knows what their fate will be come January. For the Eagles this year, the end of week 15 meant the end of champagne dreams and playoff contention. For most coaches and teams, a failed season or moment would mean time to rebuild, or in some cases, sit on the field and cry - Jessica Simpson wasn’t there to comfort Tony Romo last time. However for the Eagles, apparently it’s time to win.

Don’t get me wrong – I love seeing the Eagles win. But I don’t want to see the Eagles win this year at the cost of stunting their team growth for the coming seasons. Clearly, there is only one person to blame for this: Terrell Owens.

OK, so that’s not true. It’s actually Andy Reid’s fault. But how can a coach with such a great winning record damage a team, especially when the team is winning?

I like to call this the Chunky Soup Conundrum. Can a once great player return to greatness after many injuries without the aid of Chunky Soup? If this season has shown anything, it’s that McNabb cannot.

Even when good things have happened to the Eagles, it can be mostly attributed to luck. Against the Saints, McNabb’s 40-yard scramble ended in a touchdown, but it was not because of McNabb. He had the ball punched out of his arms and luckily Kevin Curtis chased it down in the end zone. We can’t celebrate McNabb for dumb luck.

To make matters worse, McNabb is actually completing a few good passes to different receivers. This is a bad sign because it’s keeping him in the game. He’s trying to prove himself to a city constantly questioning him and to other teams looking for a new quarterback.

It’s finally time for the Eagles to start looking down the road, past the Chunky Soup era. It’s time to start Kevin Kolb. Preseason and red-shirt practices aren’t enough to train a young quarterback. Get Kolb some snaps so when Donovan “Not My Yard” McNabb leaves, the Eagles won’t rest on the laurels of the interception machine A.J. Feeley.

The Baltimore Ravens have the right idea in giving Troy Smith the start and the experience – we need to follow suit. High school is coming to an end and the football star with potential (the Eagles) can do better than the head cheerleader (McNabb). As hometown heroes Boyz II Men said, “It’s so hard to say goodbye.”

That doesn’t mean it isn’t necessary.

It would even be a good time to get value for McNabb. The Eagles could get the number one receiver that was traded twice – with both Owens and Stallworth. Anyway you slice it, the cut should be McNabb.

The Eagles should get together and throw a going away party for Mrs. McNabb, because as we all saw in a commercial, she sustains the team, unlike her son. I hate to retire my number 5 jersey, but I’ll gladly don the number 4 and watch the Eagles’ future begin.

The real Philadelphia Story

2007-12-21T09:27:00.000-05:00

by Mike Prince

“Now I Can Die in Peace.” This is the name of the book that Bill Simmons wrote after his beloved Boston Red Sox won their first World Series in 86 years.

Many Philadelphia sports fans have been living with that same mentality for several years now. “Once I see a Philadelphia sports team win a championship, I can die in peace.”

The Philadelphia Story won two Oscars. The Philadelphia Phillies haven’t even won two World Series titles.

In 1983, the 76ers swept the Los Angeles Lakers in the NBA Finals, the last championship that this city was able to celebrate. Since then, the four major sports teams from the City of Brotherly Love have been to their league’s respective championship or series a total of six times.
Six times in almost 25 years, Philadelphia fans have had the chance of a Broad Street parade sitting right at their finger tips. And six times, their hopes and dreams were crushed. Philadelphia sports fans basically have come to a realization after so many years of failure. If you asked anyone in the city their thoughts on when things will turn around, odds are you will get a pessimistic answer.

Take something like this for example. At one point in early 2001, the Flyers, 76ers, and Eagles were all in first place and very likely contenders for each of their respective sport’s championships. Now, imagine at that very same time of the year, you have to go away for business for six or seven years, cut off from the rest of the world, with no idea what is going on in the world of sports.

So now it’s the year 2008. You finally arrive home, meet up with an old friend, and drive down to Passyunk Ave. for your first quality cheesesteak in almost a decade. You then sit down with your friend, look at them with that obvious “tell me what I want to know” look and simply say, “So, what did I miss?”

Very excited, and before you can even finish one delicious bite of your “wiz wit,” your friend is done telling you everything big that happened.

“Nothing really,” he replies.

Now here is the funny thing. As excited as you may have been to hear about the number of trophies the city has captured in your absence, the answer you get is not a very big surprise.
In any other city, a sports fan that has three of his city’s teams in first place at the time, all of which are obvious contenders for many years to come, would probably assume they missed at least one championship (not even to mention their baseball team is also a threat within their division).

Now back to the pessimistic, generally disappointed Philadelphia sports fan.

As you finish the last bites of your whiz-covered Amoroso roll, you hear that the Flyers made the playoffs all but one year since you’ve been gone, including a conference final game seven. You find out that the 76ers were leading in the NBA Championship, and also made the playoffs the following few years. You find out the Phillies made the playoffs for the first time in 14 long years as division champs. Then, you hear that the Eagles made the playoffs all but one year you were gone, including four conference championship games.

Just from looking at those facts, any sports fan would assume that at least one ring was won within those six years. Twenty-four seasons total between the teams, and one would think there was at least one winner in the whole bunch.

But if you asked a guy from Philly to put his money on something, most likely, he’d bet on failure.

It’s not personal. It’s not the desire to lose. It’s not purposeful pessimism.
It’s just what the average person is used to.

It’s the “norm.” The so-called standard for Philadelphia sports, which as one fan once described it as “getting our hopes up as much as possible, only to crush them and break our hearts year after year.”

The city is starved for a championship. It needs it. The people need a parade like a 75-year-old alcoholic needs a new liver. Ask some men who are tailgating for a 4:15 Eagles game at 8:00 in the morning and some of them would be willing to trade their wives for a championship. And if drunk enough, they may even start to actually believe something so foolish.

The truth is, in a city of more than 1.5 million people, roughly 37 percent of the population has never witnessed a championship. People are becoming impatient, frustrated and discouraged. Many have, or at least say they have, lost complete hope for any of the four major franchises.
The problems are clear when looking at the history books.

The Phillies have been around since 1883 (they were also known as the Philadelphia Athletics for a period of time). They have been playing baseball for well over a century now. That’s 125 seasons of baseball. Nearly 1,900 games. The first team in sports history to have over 10,000 losses.

And yet, only one World Series championship. The Phillies won their lone title in 1980, nearly 100 years after the team originated. They haven’t won since.

This means that even the oldest living person in the world, Edna Parker, who is 114 years old, has only been alive for one Phillies World Series title.

Imagine if she was from Philadelphia.

The results have been basically the same for the other major teams. The Eagles won the NFL Championship in 1948, 1949 and 1960. Since 1966, when the Super Bowl was invented, they have never won. They made it to the Big Dance during the 1980 and 2004 seasons, but fell short both times.

The Philadelphia Flyers came into expansion in 1966. Since then, they have won two Stanley Cups, consecutively in 1974 and 1975. Since then, they have made the Stanley Cup Finals on five separate occasions, but have come up short each time, leaving Flyers fans in their early 30s and younger without any memories of a championship.

Finally, the Philadelphia 76ers, the most recent team to win a championship, in 1983, has only been back to the finals once (2001) since that unforgettable year. They managed to win the first game, before losing the next four games and eventually losing the series to Shaq, Kobe and the Los Angeles Lakers.

While these numbers show the lack of success within sports in the city of Philadelphia, fan support has generally been there for the majority. While attendance goes both ways, the fans are always one step away from being there for their team when they need it. While Philadelphia is not known for having bandwagon fans, they do have one particular trait that every fan base should have.

One word: Loyalty.

No matter what the record is, fans always manage to fill the stadium for an Eagles game. Flyers season tickets have been selling out at rapid rates for decades, and the Phillies have been drawing record attendances over the past several years. While the Sixers have fallen off over the past few years, so has attendance. This does not show the lack of support for the team, but it does prove one theory on its fans.

Loyalty can only go so far. The fans lost trust in the team. Since the Sixers made it to the championship in 2001 and brought a city together like it never has before, the Sixers organization has had a long list of disloyalty to its fans. Pat Croce, a fan favorite, stepped down as president in 2001, and eventually was almost forced out of the organization. He could not work with them anymore. They have gone from coach after coach after coach over the past few years, with some not even lasting an entire year. They traded away half of their draft picks of the past several years, giving the fans nothing to look forward to. They had Allen Iverson, a superstar and arguably one of the most beloved Philadelphia sports icons in the history of this city. Since 2002, they never brought in supporting players to give the team what it needed to get over the hump.

In December of 2006, the Sixers traded away Allen Iverson for three players that will probably not be with the team for more than another year. Iverson was the main reason that the Sixers were drawing attendance records year after year. He was an attraction. He brought excitement to the team. He was arguably the favorite athlete in arguably one of the top two or three sports cities in America. The fans have lost trust for the organization, but they still love their team and root for them day in and day out.

While fans still manage to make it to as many games as they can, they are growing weary and impatient. There is only so much failure a fan can take before it becomes too much to handle. To many, sports are life. Sports are everything and mean the world to some.
Four teams. 125 years of games being played. Nearly 300 seasons combined. Two Stanley Cups, four NBA Championships, one World Series, and zero Super Bowls. That’s all Philadelphia has to show for itself.

Still, fans will say that their city is “the best.” They will tell people that no one is better than them and that they are number one, no matter what. They love their teams and no one can convince them otherwise.

Will the fans still be around if Philadelphia goes another 25 years without a championship? Absolutely, yes. While sitting at Chickie’s and Pete’s, a fan-favorite sports bar and grille for home sporting events, one Philadelphia fan says, “It will only make that first win, in however many years it may be, that much sweeter.”

Eagles' fans have something to smile about despite the rocky season

2007-12-17T22:29:00.000-05:00

by Greg Bialor

With a season seemingly lost, and hopes of the playoffs destroyed by the hands of the New York Giants, the Birds flew the nest and stormed into the big D with thoughts of the turmoil left behind. Forget the almost win against New England and all other losses this season; this is what matters to this organization. Sure, it is the goal to win a Super Bowl or make the playoffs for that matter, but it is the bigger picture that really matters.

The long and mutual history of these two teams are engraved in each other’s fans’ skulls as being not just games, but battles. As far as I can remember, those first moments of being a child and you are taught that there is no evil as evil as the Dallas Cowboys. In Philadelphia, learning such a thing was as regular as being taught to say “God bless you” after a sneeze. If there would be one thing to reconcile this season, it would be a win against the Cowgirls, and in Dallas.

I do not know exactly how it happened, but it did. The 12-1 Cowboys hosting the 5-8 Eagles; who would have thought the Eagles would have a chance? But they did. Through the attack of the defense and the chance that Tony Romo sprained his right thumb, the Eagles pulled off a true and defensive 10-6 victory against the Cowboys.

From watching the game on Sunday, it was announced that in the stands and cheering for her man was Jessica Simpson. Of course we could all remember last year around the same time of year when Carrie Underwood, the then-girlfriend of Tony Romo, was in the stands for the Christmas game against the Eagles in Dallas. It is true what Mick said to Rocky Balboa – “women weaken the knees.” That being said for the sake of the career of Tony Romo, ask your girlfriends to stay home for Christmas. And for the sake of Philadelphia fans, Merry Christmas Tony and a Happy New Year. Thanks for the gift.

Brian Westbrook + Jim Johnson = Victory. Duh.

2007-12-17T13:57:00.000-05:00

by AJ Gonzalez

In what has been a tremendously rocky season, two of the few constants have been Brian Westbrook and Jim Johnson’s prepared defense. Sunday’s 10-6 win over the Dallas “Brokeback” Cowboys was the true definition of the Eagles playing to their strengths.

Lito Sheppard and the rest of the Eagles' D kept Tony Romo's Cowboys silent on Sunday. Is Romo about to lose Jessica Simpson too?

Though Dallas bottled up Westbrook for most of the day, Andy (and maybe Marty, too) kept dialing up the plays for number 36. And boy, did he deliver. Westbrook’s solid performance was only matched by the impeccable job the Birds did against the NFC’s most potent offense. Though many are forgetting about Donovan McNabb, this Sunday I find myself asking Tony who?

The Eagles’ offensive game plan was clearly ineffective for much of this game. They had a rough outing and the blame deserves to go around. The offensive line eerily resembled a thin slice of Swiss cheese whenever McNabb went back to pass. The times he was able to throw it, Donnie wasn’t exactly lighting it up. And how about those superstar (cough) receivers? No one was confusing them with the Patriots passing attack. Even their usually potent running game was quieted until the fourth quarter.

And that’s when something amazing happened. Something so miraculous that I truly believe time stood still and hell officially froze over. Andy realized putting the ball in B-West’s hands gave his team its best chance to win, even if it meant, gulp, rushing. A team’s running game isn’t just handing the ball off to its back and hoping he’ll gain positive chunks of yardage. A coach must approach the running game as a boxer approaches body attacks. If you work the body long and hard enough, you wear out the opposition. That’s exactly what running the ball consists of. Andy, I mean Marty, never completely abandoned the running game like he has in the past. A 60/40 pass-to-rush ratio isn’t too bad in a very close game. The result? Westbrook gained 60 of his 81 yards in the fourth quarter when they needed it most. Can I get a “DUH” please? That’s how it’s supposed to go.

My final note on Westbrook is definitely the most impressive. Picture being an NFL running back where every penny you make is based on your stats. Having one more touchdown a year could net you a million more dollars. That’s the nature of the business. Apparently that’s not what drives Westbrook. With just over two minutes left in regulation, Brian breaks away from the defense and is capable of walking into the end zone, thus padding his stats and further insuring a trip to Hawaii in February. Instead, Westbrook takes a knee at the one-yard line securing possession and a victory. Could you imagine Ricky Watters doing that? For who? For what? For your teammates and your fans; that’s who.

Considering the offense mustered only 10 points, none of this would be possible without the inconceivable play of the Eagles’ defensive unit. Jim Johnson’s boys have played pretty well all season. The last drive of the Chicago game not withstanding. And despite their lack of turnovers, the defense has kept them competitive enough to win. Their only poor game came in week 9 against none other than the Dallas Gyllenhaals. That’s where Jimmy earns his reputation as one of the league’s best coordinators. He made adjustments and put his players in the right places. Back in November, Terrell Owens had over 170 yards and a touchdown. This week O.D. wasn’t even a factor. In fact, he hadn’t made a reception until the fourth quarter. Lito Sheppard played the role of human blanket, allowing the rest of the secondary to cover the other feared Dallas receivers. The line managed three sacks, while the secondary produced three interceptions all while making the golden boy Tony Romo hang his head in humiliation while his girlfriend looked on in shame. Speaking of which, I find it quite humorous that the last time the Eagles traveled down to Dallas, Tony had a different blonde, pop star girlfriend watching him from a luxury box. However, the outcome was the same. Something tells me little Miss Jessica might not be sticking about for much longer.

Whenever the Birds play the Dallas Ledgers, it’s a special experience. This game proved to be extra special. We got the opportunity to witness the smart, selfless, nature of Brian Westbrook while also having the privilege of viewing Tony Romo being thrown back down to reality once again at the hands of Jim Johnson. This season may be ending in two weeks, but I’m proud to bleed green for at least one more week, or until I have to hear about the distancing relationship between the Eagles and Donnie Mac. I had to ruin it.

Game Notes
-How was the hit on Matt Schobel in the first quarter not a 15-yard penalty?
-Reno Mahe sucks. I hate him.
-At some point in the draft the Eagles should consider nabbing a kicker. Akers is at his limit. Thanks for everything, but it’s time to move on.
-After Reggie Brown ended up in the Salvation Army bucket, did anyone else think to themselves that not even they would want him?

The biggest surprise of the Mitchell Report – only two

2007-12-14T12:42:00.000-05:00

by Goose

Forget the debate about what the sport should do about steroids – that’s for Around the Horn and PTI to discuss for the next eleventy months. I really think the biggest shock of the Mitchell Report is the spirit of the ’93 Phillies can remain intact.

Lenny Dykstra was one of only two Phils from the '93 N.L. Champs squad mentioned in the Mitchell Report. To many, the fact that Tobacco King was doing the 'roids was breaking news 20 years ago.

You know, that lovable bunch of misfits that caught lightning in a bottle that one year to take the city on a ride all the way to the World Series. For years people have thought that “lightning” was created artificially and injected into the majority of that lineup's behinds. And now, here comes a report saying that, aside from Dykstra and Todd Pratt, the 1993 Phillies were clean.

Really? Well, that’s cool with me, since I loved that team about the same as sex. But the fact alone that Pete Incaviglia wasn’t named renders the report useless. I mean, c’mon. I once saw him hit a ball off the top of the foul pole at the vet. I was shocked it didn’t go through the foul pole at that point. It wasn’t still traveling up when it hit; it was traveling straight. That thing would have killed a human had it hit one. Not that this anecdote is proof positive that he took steroids, but can you tell me where he went after that magical season? What happened to him?

Dykstra, Daulton, Inky, Pratt, Danny Jackson, Wes Chamberlain, Dave Hollins…all clean. Dave Hollins? The man who had a nickname Mikey, because he acted like a serial killer. And now we can infer that he was on nothing more than V-8 to keep his edge.

Look, my point isn’t that these guys were on steroids, because I don’t know. My point is that the Mitchell Report is a $20 million joke that did nothing to stop players from taking steroids. Dykstra, if anything, was a scapegoat; a player that people knew was on steroids and could be listed in the report because it was already common knowledge. And that’s what was wrong with this whole thing. Based on testimonies from a few people, we get a sparse list of names that have been in the press for a while. Sure Clemens and Pettite included in this was a bit of a mild shock, but honestly, you can go back to 2006 to find suspicions about both of them.

In perusing the report (full disclosure: I didn’t read the whole thing. I mean, did you see it? Hey Mitchell, ever hear of Microsoft Word? A little thing called color? C’mon), it seemed to me that baseball just spent $20 million to talk to a former Mets’ clubhouse attendant and to read Game of Shadows. I would have done that for $89. And I would have made the report a little easier on the eyes.

So, while I’m glad that my memories of the ’93 Phillies can remain somewhat pure for the time being, I am disappointed by the lack of meat this silly little report gave us. But then again, who really thought Selig would pay for an unbiased report that had the potential to sink his sport? But that conspiracy is for another time.

Phillies' outfield left with lots of questions

2007-12-14T09:13:00.000-05:00

by Goose

OK, yes it’s December, and it is a bit premature to think the roster of any Major League Baseball team is etched in stone right now. Injuries, hot spring trainings and shrewd deals all play a part in setting the starting nine for April… but still, there is a small undercurrent of dread running through me right now, because honestly, I don’t see the plan for the 2008 Phillies outfield.

Pat Burrell is part of the Phils' outfield going into the 2008 season. Which other inconsistent players will join him?

This feeling of uncertainty comes on the heels of the news that Aaron Rowand just signed a five-year/$60 million deal with the San Francisco Giants. Now, don’t get me wrong, after the season was over, I saw the signs pointing to him leaving for greener, longer pastures. And I was OK with that. I knew he was looking for a long-term contract, and with the way he throws his body around in the outfield, coupled with a high strikeout total, I didn’t think it was a good fit.

But perhaps it wouldn’t have been the worst thing in the world to lock him up. Because now that he’s gone, we can really focus on the outfield and see that it’s uh, well…um… interesting.

Burrell, coming off a great second half in 2007, is in left. I guess at some point in time he dosed Philadelphia’s water supply to make sure no one remembered anything before that. Seriously, I have a vague recollection of him jumping back from a called third strike over the plate once or twice, but can’t seem to figure out where that memory came from. Oh well. If only that was the Phillies’ major problem.

I really like Shane Victorino. In fact, I think he’ll play better in centerfield than Rowand. He’s quicker and has a great arm. He’s also the reason I at first didn’t mind seeing Rowand leave. But now there are two things that make me wonder if the Phils made a mistake. The first is Victorino’s offensive potential. He did well last year, batting .281/.347/.423 with speed; perfect for a two-hole hitter. Of course, it remains to be seen if those numbers will be acceptable for 2008, or if we will need him to step up. And the more important part – can he step up?

The other thing that makes me wonder? With Victorino now taking over center, that leaves right field to be patrolled by…Jayson Werth? Really? Look, he had an awesome last month or so of great baseball. But is he ready to take over full time? I mean, it seems to me the only reason he’s being considered is because he made those two steals against Wagner. And yes, they were awesome, but at this point, Charlie Manuel could have stolen off Wagner. He’s not exactly Terry Mulholland.

My point is this – I’m not sure the Phillies really should be going into the season with two unproven guys in the outfield. And that’s not including Burrell. No matter how much water I drink, I still have the nagging suspicion he could regress.

I’m praying Gillick has an ace up his sleeve and can turn something into gold before April. Because if not, we lost a pretty important chunk of the offense when Rowand signed in San Francisco. And my stir-crazy outfield fantasy with Milton Bradley involved is now impossible with him going to the Rangers. Is Gillick creative enough to come up with something else? Time will tell.

Swatting out the Fly Guys

2007-12-13T13:52:00.000-05:00

by Charlie Gagliardi

The Flyers’ season was so bad last year that their remarkable turnaround this year has become an amazing afterthought in the minds of the local media.

We are almost three months into the new season and the Flyers have fluctuated between first, second, and third place all season, never falling more than two points out of the top spot in an incredibly competitive Atlantic Division. But all anyone ever wants to talk about, it seems, was last season, the worst season in Flyers history, ignoring the fact that this team almost has as many points now as they did last year at the end of the season. Why does the media constantly push negativity into the spotlight all of the time? Why can’t they let it go and focus on the good stuff instead of last year’s horrid effort?

Kimmo Timonen, Danny Briere and Jason Smith, three of GM Paul Holmgren's biggest offseason acquisitions, have all been monumental in the Flyers turnaround this season.

Sure, Peter Forsberg was to blame for most of what went on. When you come to the rink every day not knowing if your best player has two feet or not, it is tough to go into a game with any kind of plan to score goals. Yet, a lot of the players that were here last year are here this year and they have improved tremendously. Does Mike Richards remind of you Keith Primeau in the 2004 playoffs almost every night so far this year? Has Jeff Carter not become the bruising forward we all hoped he would become? What has changed? And why has no one said anything about it?

Is it John Stevens and his morbidly relaxed approach to the game? Is it the culture of the team changing with Paul Holmgren’s unbelievable moves toward the end of last year and in the offseason? Or is it simply the fact that Forsberg is gone and the team can now only rely on themselves to win games?

The turnaround started late last year, when Scottie Upshall seemed to bring a renewed energy to this team thanks to Foppa’s Fleecing of Nashville with his hard-nosed style of play. Suddenly, losses still piled up, but the team became competitive toward the end and even beat the Red Wings badly in one of the final games of the season.

Locking up Marty Biron was also a key move because, frankly, this team has not had a steady goaltender since Ron Hextall. No, John Vanbiesbrouck and Darren Boouregard, you do not count.

But if you look at the new young defensemen in Braydon Coburn and Lasse Kukkonen, you start to see why this team is better. They finally have speed on the blue line, something that would have won them a handful of Stanley Cups in the 90s had they had it back then. The additions of Kimmo Timonen and Jason Smith have provided the perfect leadership for a team sorely lacking it since Primeau retired.

It is a shame the whole Forsberg era did not work out. The man was the best player in the NHL when he was healthy. Without him, the Flyers probably do not even make the playoffs in 2005-06 either.

Also, don’t forget, there is talk that the Flyers are keeping salary cap room available in case Mr. Forsberg decides to give his feet one more shot at standing straight in the NHL. I am sure he knows what he caused around here last year and wants to atone for it by playing here again. Wouldn’t a healthy Forsberg look great on the power play with Danny Briere?

Everyone panics that this team has been playing inconsistently lately. To me, I would rather see this happen considering they are still mostly young and improving, and their best scoring forward is out with concussion problems. Boy, does that sound familiar.
Don’t forget about the Penguins game this past Tuesday, as well. When players start to stick up for each other like the Flyers did the other night, it breeds caring and winning streaks. I don’t think that kind of stuff would have happened last year, unless it was out of frustration.

No matter how many games they win and whether or not they make the playoffs, this team is 100 times better off than they were at this point last year. And you can be sure that in the end, everyone will let the Flyers know just how much worse they were.

Fan fights and cheap food: how a New York baseball fan fell in love with the Phillies

2007-12-12T10:18:00.000-05:00

by Frank Hadley

In New York, hot dogs aren’t cheap. The last time a hot dog cost one dollar in Yankee Stadium, Mickey Mantle was still in high school. So I was thrilled when a friend got us tickets to a Phillies Dollar Dog game. I knew this would be a great time to chow down on some cheap dogs and maybe even watch a baseball game. But come game day, I found out that the majority of people at the game just used the hot dogs’ modest pricing as an excuse to buy more beer, and when that extra beer kicked in, they figured it wouldn’t be a huge financial loss to buy even more hot dogs – for use as projectiles. When used as weapons, hot dogs can cause drunken baseball fans to start throwing punches. The fighting and fanfare during this ballgame was so fun to witness firsthand that I couldn’t help but return to the stadium. Again, and again, and again. This is the story of how I became a Philadelphia Phillies fan.

It’s really not that hard to believe. Other than two teams holding 28 total world championships, New York baseball just isn’t worth it. I went to one Yankees game this year with my dad and girlfriend. On top of traffic that moved slower than an 80-year-old driving a moped, it cost 30 bucks for a space in the lot. When I made my way to the concession stand in the fifth inning to buy us lunch, it cost me 50 bucks to for a whopping four hot dogs, three small Cokes, and an order of French fries. It was just enough money to ensure I’d watch the rest of their season in front of a TV.

And here lies my beef with New York baseball: the whole point of being a sports fan is to see games live, not sit on a couch flipping between the game and reruns of Antiques Road Show on PBS. What’s better than sitting there with 40,000 other people sharing the stagnant smell of lucky jerseys, socks, and ball caps that haven’t been washed since the team’s last playoff win? Or screaming “DON’T DO IT!” whenever some schmuck decides to propose to his girlfriend via the electronic scoreboard. Or shouting insults of opposing players’ personal lives as they come up to bat (Larry Wayne, anyone?). When you go to a game in New York, all you can think about is your financial security and how it’s been violated by a baseball game.

To go to a Phillies game, however, is nowhere near the financial massacre. With a third of the stadium holding ticket prices of $14, a pro ballgame is only a dollar or two more than a night at the movies. Should you actually get tickets before they sell out in New York, it’s a $25 minimum; Ebay scalpers are usually your only (overpriced) bet. In Philly you can get tickets minutes before the first pitch. This means a lot more people show up who don’t care if they waste a few bucks by getting kicked out early for fighting.

Such was the case at a game this past season at Citizens Bank Park. It happened to be Memorial Day. At some point before the seventh inning, two shirtless guys in their mid-20s came strutting into our section. Adorned with the words “NAVY VET” written in Sharpie across their backs, they demanded to know who threw a hot dog at them. It was hard not to notice the irony in self-proclaimed sailors getting excited over a wiener.

Lacking a clear answer and throwing around incoherent expletives, they decided some kid in the top row must be the culprit. Drunk and staggering up a long flight of stairs, they were not in shape for a fight. That didn’t stop them. A full-fledged brawl broke out. It screeched to a halt as Shirtless Guy #1 was kicked and tumbled down the stairs. The only thing that stopped him from the 30-foot plunge into the lower section was a pane of Plexiglas at the bottom of the stairs – I presume it was installed there for just this reason. Within minutes security arrived to eject all participating drunkards. Then it began to rain hot dogs. Like B-52s taking out an ammunitions depot in World War II, dozens of hot dogs set their crosshairs on blue-shirted security guard targets. Five or six soon-to-be-ejected fans in tow, the security guards retreated with humiliating red-and-yellow stains on their shirts. Once they left, we settled down to watch the rest of the game.

I didn’t care what the score was after the final pitch. That was the most fun I had had at a baseball game since I met Bobby Bonilla in the parking lot when I was nine. The Phillies themselves were secondary to sitting among the most obnoxious, vulgar, and awesomely alcoholic fans to be found in a major league ballpark. This would never happen in New York, full of its highbrow businessmen complaining about the gum they just stepped in with their $1,000 ostrich-skin shoes. From now on I’m sticking to Phillies games. I’ll just make sure not to wear my old Daryl Strawberry jersey to the stadium.

Just another night at a Sixers game

2007-12-12T09:39:00.000-05:00

Is the NBA's popularity really that much greater than the NHL's?
by Jeremy Rosenberg

Your intrepid reporter recently took in a Sixers/Celtics game at the Wachovia Center. Two stunning revelations were made at this event:

A. Boston fans are exactly as annoying in person as they are on TV.
B. A Sixers game in 2007-08 is a thoroughly lame and depressing experience.

In fairness, if you’re a Sixers fan and you really want to go to a game, don’t let me stop you. It’s a fine evening out, if you’re into that sort of thing. In fact, I encourage it. I actually always enjoy myself there. You just have to try not to think about how the bulk of what you spent on the ticket is paying for the next fourteen years of Samuel Dalembert’s contract (help the Sixers out – buy a few sodas).

When the Sixers came out for the pregame shoot-around, they were wearing 80s-style warm-up jackets, and if you squinted you could imagine that it was 1982 and Larry Bird was in town and you were about to watch a classic tilt between two of the league’s powerhouses. Alas, then the game started and you realized that that’s not Dr. J, it’s Reggie Evans – and from there, the tragic disappointments just kept on coming.

It was a decent, though not great crowd for a Wednesday night, though it was unclear if this was because Kevin Garnett and the hated Celtics were in town, or if it was Dollar Dog Night. The Phillies always draw great crowds for Dollar Dog Night, but the Sixers were unable to match this, probably due to their curious miscalculation of not bothering to actually announce they were doing it. The Sixers should hold a ticket raffle and select their next Director of Marketing at random from the crowd; it couldn’t be much worse than the bizarre display of PR ineptitude that was presented by the team throughout the night.

At the risk of sounding like a cranky elderly guy, lots of unnervingly loud stuff happens during timeouts, and it’s really pretty bad. They don’t do the “Bag of Shoes” thing anymore (in which kids have their shoes taken from them and they have to run across the court and get them back – it actually makes even less sense when you see it) but there’s still the sinister-looking Hip Hop doing his trampoline dunks, the Sixers Dancers (who – and somebody needs to say it – are basically just strippers wearing Sixers tank tops), and a moment when they bring out some hapless loser and force him to make a few shots in full view of a Philly crowd eager to boo somebody. I go to a few games a year and I can attest that this never, ever ends well.

All of this just feels like cheap, minor league stuff, and not the kind of thing that one of the country’s most popular sports should be doing with its time. If the Sixers were winning, of course, then we could put up with it, but the Sixers are 8-13, so watching a guy in a rabbit suit get thrown into some giant bowling pins only seems to underscore the utter pointlessness of the actual basketball game.

It all calls into question whether or not the NBA is anywhere near as popular or successful these days as it is believed to be. Hack sportswriters have spent the last few years giving the NHL a hard time and making it a punch line for their tired jokes, but is it really in any worse shape than the NBA? Sure, the NBA has a better TV deal, and has never made the mind-numbingly idiotic mistake of canceling an entire season, and has never had a league champion that plays in a region where auto racing is more popular (Carolina Hurricanes, I’m looking in your direction!) but that’s about it for the NBA’s perceived superiority; attendance is roughly comparable, and one only needs to compare the fortunes of two teams in the same market, like our Flyers and Sixers: the Flyers sell out nearly every game, have completely reinvented themselves after a disastrous season, and are legitimate contenders for a division title. Meanwhile, the Sixers have a guy dressed as a rabbit, and can’t even remember to tell people about their own lame promotions. Which league do you want to get behind?

Champagne at the “Fin”ish Line

2007-12-11T10:04:00.000-05:00

by Charlie Gagliardi

You hate them.

They won every game up to this point in their season, and just to stick it to certain members of the team and coaching staff, you pray for them to be beaten eventually.

No, we are not talking about the New England Patriots, but the team whose record they are going to obliterate in about two months – the 1972 Miami Dolphins.
It looks like the corkscrews are only going to be used strictly for holiday bubbly this year for this ‘family,’ unless they toast their own franchise for a winless 2007 season.

Put away the cigar, Don Shula. Your '72 Dolphins won't be the only unbeaten team after this season.

Every year, they get together to thumb their nose at the rest of the National Football League by saluting themselves and toasting their humility at their undefeated season whenever the last undefeated team in the current NFL season goes down. And God forbid, anyone try to match them, they will be branded as second fiddle.

Don Shula, the coach of the only undefeated team in NFL history, started it around Week 4, when anyone who has ever watched football was smart enough to realize that this New England team will beat you even if they allowed the other team to videotape every shit Bill Belichick has ever stepped in.

Shula made no bones about claiming that the Patriots should have an asterisk by their record this year because of Spygate, sabotaging the legitimacy of their potential undefeated run. When did asterisks in sports become so clique anyway?
Even Larry Csonka threw his two cents in at midseason, also claiming that the Patriots run is tainted because they videotaped other teams’ defensive signals and cheated, oblivious to the fact that by then, New England was scoring 50 points almost every week without the help of the camera.

But no moment stuck to the brain more than two Monday nights ago, when the Patriots were gift-wrapped another victory by the Baltimore Ravens. Around the third quarter, Shula made his way to the broadcasters’ booth in his best cheerleader outfit, blatantly rooted the Ravens on to victory and proceeded to call Kyle Boller a solid quarterback.
No wonder Lord Don bowed out of the game a long time ago.

It was quite the spectacle. What is it about going undefeated that makes the ’72 Dolphins so uptight about their record being matched or beaten? Should they not know what it takes to achieve such a place in history and admire the fact that another team is doing it?
Not these guys. They are so pompous and self-absorbed about their precious record, it is sickening. It almost makes me want the Patriots to go out and say that the ’72 Dolphins could not carry their jockstrap after another 45-point win.

Pittsburgh could not beat the Pats on Sunday even though one of their players ‘guaranteed’ it. The Jets and Dolphins will not even come close. The New York Giants will probably be stuck as the five seed in the NFC, so they will probably not chance anyone important getting hurt in Week 17 to prepare for the playoffs.

The Road to Perfection has never been clearer for any team that has started 13-0. This team is not going to lose this year. There will be no ESPNEWS segment of the ’72 Dolphins clanking their glasses this year.

Despise New England all you want. Root for them to lose at some point before February. But remember, they are chasing a record that arrogant people hold who will blow cigar smoke right in your face if you dare say that their team was not the best in NFL history.

A Sixers roster in desperate need

2007-12-10T19:32:00.000-05:00

by Goose

This is what you have to work with, Ed Stefanski…

I think I’m one of about 12 people that still tune into Sixers games. And even I’m not sure why I still do it. Before the season I was cautiously excited about the team, not because I thought they would make the playoffs (you know, because I’m not a mental patient), but because I thought they would be a fun team to watch with a few building blocks for the future.

Well, now, almost a quarter of the way into the season, I think I’m going to have to admit I have no idea what I was talking about. Let’s take a look at this roster based on Saturday night’s win against the Knicks…

Starters

Andre Iguodala – I wonder if he thinks his Wildcats team could compete in the NBA. I sure do.

Andre Miller – Solid point guard. Knows the game. Must feel like he ran over God’s kitten to be stuck with this team. Will be on suicide watch after the trade deadline if he’s still here.

Reggie Evans – A poor man’s Bo Outlaw. Is that something you strive for, or fall to? I’m still undecided.

Samuel Dalembert – Would have to eat his doppelganger to be considered an inside presence.

Willie Green – Occasionally he puts together a good game. Unfortunately, it’s like six times a year.

Bench

Kyle Korver – He’s like Steve Kerr, only taller. Steve Kerr got away with playing no defense because Jordan was on the floor. I’m not sure Korver’s defense would be hidden with two Jordans on the floor.

Louis Williams – I guess you could call him the one unexpected surprise this year, though he’s still an enigma. Certainly can score, but really hasn’t proven himself against, you know, an actual NBA team. The Knicks don’t count.

Thaddeus Young – For whatever reason, Cheeks is pulling a Larry Brown with this guy. Seriously, where are the Sixers going this year? Why isn’t this guy getting more minutes? Why not throw him out there with Carney, Iggy, Miller and, I don’t know, Josh Smith, and see what happens. See, these are the kind of lineups I would try. Why am I not an NBA coach?

Jason Smith – Against the Knicks on Saturday night, he had eight points and nine boards. I’m not sure he’s allowed to brag about that though. I think I could have gotten at least five boards in that game.

Rodney Carney – If Young is getting the Brown treatment, Carney is getting the “we made a mistake in drafting you and hope you just leave” treatment. Ugh, the Sixers have not drafted well of late.

Shavlik Randolph – Hey – look who’s back! Actually, and I really hate admitting this, last year, before getting injured, I thought Randolph had been playing well.

And that’s where we are right now with the Sixers. When the return of Shavlik Randolph is the silver lining of your cloud, you know there are some issues. Start your engine, Mr. Stefanski, you’re on the clock.

Are the Eagles victims of prejudice?

2007-12-10T09:31:00.000-05:00

by AJ Gonzalez

The flashes of brilliance exhibited by the Birds on Sunday brought back such memories of joy and pride. Donovan McNabb, Brian Westbrook, Brian Dawkins, and even Duce Staley helped stir up the nostalgia Sunday against the Giants in what would ultimately decide the fate of the season for the Philadelphia Eagles. Unfortunately, the Eagles’ offensive prowess displayed on their first drive was quickly eliminated by Steve Spagnoulo’s defense, poor execution by the offense, self-destruction with penalties, and the questionable calls of a very suspicious officiating crew. David Akers had a chance to send this game to OT on a 57-yarder in the last minute of play but hit the goalpost. The Eagles lost 16-13 and dropped to 5-8. Perhaps this Eagles’ season has driven me to paranoia, but for the first time ever, I’ve been left wondering if my team got the short end of the stick in regards to the policing of this game.

Brian Westbrook had a huge day for the Birds. It wasn't enough though as the team's missed opportunities and refs' questionable calls and non-calls led to a 16-13 Giants victory.

Watching this game was difficult due to the barrage of mixed emotions thrown my way. Forget chips and beer – I needed to be throwing down the Prozac during this affair. There actually were a lot of things to be happy about. Let’s start with Brian Dawkins. Weapon X finally started resembling the beast of a player whom I’ve had a man-crush on for practically a decade. Whether he was hitting guys in the backfield or breaking up plays in coverage, B-Dawk looked alive and well.

And how about Trent Cole and the rest of the D-line? Trent had two sacks on Manning the Lesser today, giving him 11.5 for the season. Man knows how to play football. So does the rest of the line. They manhandled Brandon Jacobs all day long stopping him behind the line of scrimmage several times. Jacobs, pulling a Shawn Bradley, proved once again that bigger isn’t always better. Or any good for that matter. The unit also had a very impressive goal-line stand early in the second quarter. I wonder if they used the momentum in their favor.

Naturally, Brian Westbrook was a bright spot. He finished with 154 yards from scrimmage and a touchdown. His nickname should be The Butcher considering all he does is cut and carve up defenses. Not only that, but I think 253-pound Kawika Mitchell is still trying to gather his senses after B-West stoned him into the ground while coming on a blitz. He’s the best pass-blocking back in the league.

The Birds also had some moments in other aspects of the game. The two touchdown saving tackles by Brian Dawkins and Juqua Thomas were the epitome of hustle plays. Thomas is a defensive end that is running downfield to make a tackle to save the season while also forcing a fumble. It’s almost as if they want me to like them. Players like Thomas and Dawkins have these magnifying qualities that force me to root in their favor. Damn them. Even Sav Rocca had a decent game. Yeah, I notice the punter. And the aggressive play-calling should be applauded. They even converted two fourth-and-ones via quarterback sneaks. It’s nice to see them utilize the size of the O-line and McNabb instead of throwing a bomb when all you need is inches. What a concept.

Sadly, all those positives were not enough to squeeze out a win. Like what was Greg Lewis thinking when he threw that pass into triple coverage during a first-quarter trick play? Even AJ Feeley thought that was a bad decision. Another question I have is how can a team that wasn’t even penalized once last week have seven penalties the following week? They didn’t just shoot themselves in the foot; they mortared their entire bodies. Donovan continued with his usual sacks that could have been avoided had he thrown the ball away. Then the unthinkable happened; Brian Westbrook fumbled. He hadn’t fumbled in his previous 557 carries until that point. Basically, the Birds did everything they could to allow the Giants to stay in this game. What they couldn’t, the officials made up for.

Very rarely do I complain about officiating being a chief component in the outcome of a game. Yet, Sunday’s game seemed to have so much prejudice, I can’t help but feel slighted. Some of the calls were debatable. For instance, Sheldon Brown crushed Amani Toomer for a three-yard loss, but it was negated by an encroachment by Trent Cole. I didn’t see it, and I doubt anyone else did. Another controversial call was when an Eagle jumped off sides, but managed to get back before the right tackle even moved before the snap. Encroachment was called. Even Moose Johnston acknowledged the muffed call. Though both were close, either one could have and probably should have been called in Philadelphia’s favor.

However, those aren’t the calls that really have me fuming. The 15-yard personal foul on Lito Sheppard was as bogus a call as any I’ve seen. Sinorice Moss was clearly still in bounds when Lito slammed him to the grass. I understand Moss still looks like he should be in peewee, but he isn’t. Don’t coddle the little man. Having said that, that play didn’t make or break the game. What was in fact a game changer was the ridiculous miss by the officials on Amani Toomer’s fumble. The ball had plainly started to come loose before he hit the ground. What’s worse is that it was reviewed. That missed call resulted in a Plaxico Burress touchdown that put the G-Boys up 13-10. Pathetic. Yet the two most glaring miscues by the officials were both missed calls. The lack of a flag on the fourth-and-six plainly visible pass interference by Antonio Pierce was appalling. Almost as appalling as the non-call on Sam Madison when he was obviously holding Westbrook back from getting up to the line of scrimmage on the Eagles’ last drive. A few more yards or a few more seconds could have been the difference. Either way, something smelled a little fishy at the Linc on Sunday and it wasn’t just Tony Siragusa’s breath.

The biggest thing that’s bothering me is the lack of a motive. What reasons do the officials have to be so blatantly bias? Could it be driven by money? Stupidity? What? Sad to say, we Birds fans will have to sit on this tough loss feeling very hollow. We’ll never know why our team got the shaft. Maybe I’m wrong. It’s possibly all in my head. Ugh, I need some more Prozac.

Game Notes
-Anyone else notice Daryl Johnston’s suit jacket looked like a picnic table?
-Reggie Brown seems to be turning into nothing more than a number two possession receiver. He needs to run north and south, not laterally.
-After the Amani Toomer fumble was called down by contact, Big Red threw his challenge flag with more enthusiasm than he’s exhibited all season.
-Plaxico Burress protects the ball as well as Shaq shoots foul shots. Leon Lett displays more security while running with the football.
-How perfect a punt did Jeff Feagles get off to Brian Westbrook in the fourth quarter? Perfect.

The New Patriot Act

2007-12-10T09:24:00.000-05:00

by Mike Prince

It’s called taking the best team, and making them even better.

Will the Patriots ever lose another game in this decade? Debatable.

Can the Patriots even get better than they are now? Yes they can. And yes they will.

Will the Patriots be better than they are now, next season? Absolutely.

Does anyone have the right to guarantee a win over the Patriots? Absolutely not. Not for a very long time.

Bill Belichick and the Patriots might be in the preliminary stages of a super dynasty

The thing about the Patriots is that they are already better than what they put out on the field every weekend, but no one cares to realize it. The Patriots have arguably one of the best offenses in the history of the National Football League. And it isn’t even all that it may be in the next couple years.

I have two names to prove my theory: Chad Jackson and Darren McFadden.

Randy Moss, Wes Welker, Donte’ Stallworth, Jabar Gaffney and Ben Watson. And even veteran Kyle Brady, who was once a top-10 pick in the NFL draft, Troy Brown who was once one of the best receivers in the league, and the well-sized Kelly Washington. This is the wide receiving corp. that the New England Patriots currently have, not to mention they have three-time Super Bowl winning quarterback Tom Brady throwing the ball in their direction.

With an offense that could run over the ’85 Bears or the ’00 Ravens, they really don’t need any more help. Thing is though, they have it right there waiting for them if they need to start beating teams by more than an average of 22 points a game.

People look at the current Patriots offense and they forget about the fact that they have a first-round pick in the backfield that is only 22 years old, and an offensive line that, at the end of the game, still keeps Tom Brady famous for having the cleanest jersey on the field.

Add this to the equation: A wide receiver that is younger than Lawrence Maroney, and was good enough to be the second-highest drafted receiver in the league only a year ago.

Chad Jackson.

A 6’1”, 215-pound starting wide receiver out of the University of Florida, who was rated as the top wide receiver coming out of college in 2006. The Patriots are 13-0, score an average of nearly 40 points a game, and doing it all without this guy even on the field to show off his talent and score even more points for the current Super Bowl favorites.

The team is unstoppable. And things are only getting worse for the rest of the NFL.
When the 2008 season starts, and the Super Bowl rings are being handed out to the te
am, the Patriots are going to have the same team on the field as they do this year – only add Chad Jackson and a first first-round draft pick to the mix.

Didn’t the Patriots get their first pick taken away from them by the league, you may ask? Yeah, they did, but the 49ers decided to take their first round pick in 2008 and basically gift wrap it for New England like an early Christmas gift with a nice little card reading, “Please take this and make your team even more dominating.”

The 49ers then decided to have one of the worst seasons possible and, if all goes to plan, will finish with the second worst record in the league, giving the Patriots the opportunity to take almost anyone they want in the draft.

If he’s available, the Patriots (if their organization is as smart as everyone thinks they are) won’t take a page from the Houston Texans drafting theory that states, “we already have a running back, so let’s pass up on one of the most talented players ever to come out of college for a player that might help our team out,” ala Mario Williams for Reggie Bush.

So, you take the 2007 New England Patriots and start the 2008 season with the same guys on the field. Then you add Chad Jackson as a third receiver and the multi-talented Darren McFadden in the backfield, and you have an offense that could probably beat the NFC’s starting Pro Bowl defense in Honolulu a week after possibly running all over the NFC champions a week before.

McFadden is the ideal running back. He’s 6’2”, 210 pounds, has 4.5 or better speed, can cut like LT, run over defenses like Emmitt, and put up almost 200 yards in a win over the number-one team in the nation, putting him right back up in the Heisman race.

And we’re not even talking just a dynasty for the next couple years (besides the three rings that are already on Brady and Belichick’s fingers from before). With McFadden and the rest of the team, the future looks bright for the Patriots for a very long time. Putting Maroney and McFadden in the backfield gives them a two-headed monster. It gives each player half the playing time that a normal running back would have starting on any other team, not to mention that with the passing game, they won’t even be needed as much as a normal running back would.

A running back’s career tends to be the shortest of any position player in the NFL. When coming back from injuries, players are always asked if they’re 100 percent. Well the theory on running backs is that “after your first carry, you’re never 100% again,” according to all-time great Emmitt Smith.

With McFadden and Maroney sharing carries in the backfield, their careers could be that much better, with each of their bodies carrying half the load. Take Brian Westbrook, who has 30-40 touches a game, and put him up against another player that only has about 15-20 touches a game, and see whose career lasts longer. It is a prime position for a team to be in. Some teams make deals to win immediately. Some teams build for the future.

The Patriots have the chance to do both. And with their management and coaching staff, it will happen.

New England’s destiny is basically in its own hands. And that may be the scariest thing to think of if you are a fan, player or coach of any other of the 31 teams in the National Football League.
So, is anyone against a fantasy draft? Split up all the players. Give every team a clean slate and new opportunity. Make things “fair.”

Ricky Williams may not be too happy relying on a team other than Miami picking him up and offering him a contract to his liking.

I doubt any other Dolphin player or fan would have a problem with this, though.

The plan for the 2008 Phils

2007-12-07T13:26:00.000-05:00

by Goose

After the disappointing Winter Meetings went by with nothing more than a rumor about signing Geoff Jenkins(!?), I kinda get the feeling that Gillick’s heart might not be totally into this team. But instead of sitting here and ranting semi-coherently about the apathetic job he has done thus far this offseason, I have decided to take a more friendly, helpful approach. I have decided to throw my hat into the ring and become the Phillies GM.

Why? Because let’s face it – if I don’t do it, we’re going to have to sit through a lame-duck year as Gillick occasionally emails Assistant GM Ruben Amaro, Jr. with stuff like, “Whatever you do, keep Conlin away from the postgame spread,” to get him ready to take the reins. Sure, I have no experience other than arguing with other Phillies fans about the direction they should go in, but let’s be honest, what more experience do I need?

Anyway, to show you that I have skills to pay the bills, I have come up with a plan for the Phillies future. Unfortunately, I can only operate in today’s climate (let me tell you – I had an awesome plan laid out – Howard for Santana and then sign A-Rod; move Utley to first and resign Iguchi for second. Think that would have been talked about much?) and so I’m slightly limited in my moves, but I wasn’t hired a month ago. I was theoretically hired today. And don’t worry – my revised plan is just as goofy…

Pitching – I will admit I like the move Gillick did in acquiring Brad Lidge from Houston – if he plans to use him as the closer. It makes my job easier. That gives me a starting rotation of:

Cole Hamels
Brett Myers
Jamie Moyer
Kyle Kendrick

As for the fifth spot – I can either take a flyer on a FA agent like Bartolo Colon for a year and hope I get lucky, throw Eaton out there and then permanently move to Canada (the “Gillick Plan” as I like to call it) or get creative. And this is where the genius starts leaking out…

My first order of business is to take Burrell’s second half of 2007, grab the highlights, put it on DVD, label it with, “This guy loves to take walks!” along with a bottle of Jameson with some bullshit congratulatory message about having a good young team that probably only needs a right-handed power hitter to take them over the top, and send it to Oakland GM Billy Beane immediately. Hopefully, by the time he’s 3-4 shots deep, I can give him a call and offer up Burrell, Victorino and Kendrick for Dan Haren.

So now I’m down a leftfielder and centerfielder. But here’s where I really fleece the FA market. Sure, Mike Cameron is currently suspended, but it’s only 25 games. Chris Roberson can’t kill the season in 25 games, can he? Let’s hope not. After that, you have a defensive centerfielder that also handles the bat pretty well. As for Burrell, there’s a guy out there that will not only be an upgrade to Burrell, but he’ll put the kibosh on any hecklers.

Milton Bradley

C’mon – how much fun would it be to have him on the team? Other than a bus full of baggage and a bizarre injury he’s coming off of, I can’t see the downside. I’d certainly go to war with him – of course I’m talking about an actual war.

Yes, Citizens Bank Park would immediately become Arkum Asylum, but it sure would be an exciting place to go see a baseball game. And you would know going into the season there were exactly two ways this whole thing could play out – World Series or Prison Break. What’s not to love about that?

Another Offseason of Mis-Fitting

2007-12-07T09:26:00.000-05:00

by Charlie Gagliardi

Being a helpless fan in the world of the Philadelphia Phillies offseason remains the most constant struggle with reality and dreams. You hear upper management preach every October about how they will do whatever they can to make their team better for the following year. You listen with hope, a former lights-out Houston Astros closer is traded for, and they tell you they will do “whatever it takes” to resign their best free-agents-to-be.

And then you wait.

And you wait some more, but you hold out this belief that this will be the year that they actually go out and do it.

Phillies GM Pat Gillick failed to get anything done at the Winter Meetings in Nashville this past week. Maybe what he meant to say a few months ago was that he was going to retire after the '07 season, and not '08.

Maybe it is the constant mudslinging campaigns seen on television which coincide with the end of the World Series that make you noddingly approve at the television screen when Pat Gillick and Dave Montgomery look you in the eye and say, “We have no budget restrictions on who we can go out and sign.”

Or, maybe the “Gang of Six” ownership really is that invisible because an hour or two later, you hear that they will not go over $100 million in payroll but you never know exactly who it is coming from.

But why do we do it to ourselves? Why do we allow ourselves to be suckered in by these people every year with the hope that they will actually pull something out of their hat? Why do 40,000 people walk through the turnstiles every season when we despise the ownership?

Maybe Philadelphia really is a passionate baseball town after all. That is no surprise, since the Eagles are going south and we all know as soon as that happens, everyone flies out of the nest until they are good again.

It has to be our passion. There can be no other explanation. No other town can sit through what we sit through every winter, as Rule 5 after Rule 5 player are signed; old, broken-down bullpen “help” is scrapped off of the heap; and six starters sounds like a good idea.
That is right, six starters, because even the ownership knows that the five they start with never make it to the end. Ownership never does their homework (see: Freddy Garcia, Jon Lieber, and about 300 others).

All of this hope and hurt is nothing new either. The 1993 Phillies went out and did the same exact thing after their half-hearted attempts to sign Kirby Puckett past his prime (another shocking courtship), and David Cone in the preceding offseason. Instead, they treated us to throwback players as is their custom and they just so happened to get away with it because of the players will to succeed.

Unfortunately, we, the fans, are forced to sit idly by on our hands knowing that there is no way Aaron Rowand will be in centerfield next season for this team. We sit knowing that a trade for Johan Santana just does not happen around here. We sit knowing that Alex Rodriguez would be our every day third baseman…if his name were Alex J. Rodriguez instead of Alex E. Rodriguez.

And I’m sure we will hear how the team just made another $15 million+ profit this season.

Harry Kalas has it correct whenever he says that the Phillies have the best fans in baseball. To fathom and swallow what this organization does every year to win in spite of themselves is gut-wrenching and disheartening. I do not care to hear about sticking by your team through Billy Goat curses, Bambino curses, or anything else. At least those teams go out and say they will sign as many great players as they can no matter what the cost is and they go out and do it.

In Philadelphia, not only do they lie to you, but sometimes, they get to pop champagne while they do it.

What a real Sixers fan should be rooting for

2007-12-06T21:31:00.000-05:00

by Mike Prince

So you turn your TV on, see that your team is playing and think to yourself, “hmm I wonder what the score is.” So you put on the game and see that your team is losing. A sense of happiness fills your mind and you secretly are rooting for your home team to lose. You keep it to yourself obviously, and don’t let others know that you’d rather enjoy what people may call, “the victory of defeat.”

Some Philadelphia fans may already know what I am talking about, and why. Yes, I am talking about the Philadelphia 76ers. While diehards want to see this team win every game, that is obviously not even close to reality. For others, the reality is that the playoffs are out of the picture and we are already looking forward to the draft before the first tip-off of the first game even occurs.

The team stinks! There is no superstar. They can’t get make the playoffs. There is only one option: lose as many games as possible so you can get the highest draft pick possible.
That’s the scenario that most fans secretly think to themselves. There are great talents coming out of high school for one year of college before going to the NBA, so why not lose on purpose and try and get them before anyone else does?

Now, here’s the problem. For a fan, no one wants to be criticized for their loyalty to their team. I personally know that I love the 76ers as much as the next guy who may have season tickets and sit courtside and never miss a game. But the reality is such, we are going nowhere!

So why not pretend like we live in Montreal in the ‘90s and we don’t care whether our teams win or not, because all we have is the future.

Or, we could go the other way. Enjoy watching our team be bad enough to just miss the playoffs, but just be good enough to miss out on the lottery. This way, maybe we can get the 14th pick in the draft and get another Speedy Claxton. That’s all this team needs. Another sub-par player that will average five points a game only before being traded two years later and never being heard from again.

Besides, the Sixers are horrible when it comes to draft day. Maybe if we actually had a top-three pick, we could get a potential superstar, rather than someone no one has even heard of who will average fewer points than Shawn Bradley averaged posterizations per game during his underachieving career.

So for now, I know I am going to sit home and root for us to lose 60 games. Does that make me not a fan? In some people’s eyes, maybe. But I don’t care. I’m all for building a good team and then I’ll be sitting right next to that season ticket holder when we actually have a team worth watching.

Maybe that way we can draft the next LeBron James and not the next Mark Hendrickson. You may ask – who is he? My point exactly.

One final note: As a diehard Philadelphia sports fan, I would like to thank the Sixers organization for making my entire rant a non fail-proof theory. I’d like to thank them along with Sharone Wright, Shawn Bradley and Keith Van Horn for their hard work.

GM Billy King axed as the Sixers flirt with Knicks-level basketball

2007-12-04T10:35:00.000-05:00

by Jeremy Rosenberg

On November 18, the New York Knicks were beaten at home by Golden State. Ordinarily, a very bad NBA team losing to a somewhat less bad NBA team wouldn’t be much of a story. But the Knicks happen to be the Knicks, and happen to play in New York in that incredibly famous building they have. They are coached by the generally controversial and reviled Isaiah Thomas. Thomas was booed mercilessly at that game by the world’s last remaining Knick fans (a hardcore group of dudes indeed), who also called for his firing. Nine days later, just when it seemed like the Knicks might be getting their act (such as it is) together, they went to Boston and were crushed into a thin paste by the resurgent Celtics.

What does this have to do with our Sixers? Beyond that innate, uncontrollable glee we all feel whenever a New York team has a bad season, it’s simple. The Knicks may be terrible – and seriously, make no mistake, they aren’t good – but they have one thing over us: at least people seem to be paying attention.

We’re seventeen games into the season. The Sixers have managed to win less than a third of them – and so far, this isn’t a basketball team. It’s an existential dilemma. And that explains why GM and president Billy King was fired Tuesday. Forget wins – the Sixers need an identity – a very reason for existing, if you will. If every season has a theme, the Sixers’ theme so far seems to be “does anyone care?” The stadium is nearly empty for a Sixers game.

As themes go, it’s pretty depressing. Just about any other theme would be preferable, such as “will they trade Andre Miller?” or “offense: ever heard of it?” or “what ridiculous giveaway will the PR department come up with next?” (I still have my Iverson coin bank, but I never did get that Iverson rubber duckie, to my tremendous disappointment and detriment). But the numbers don’t lie: right now the Sixers rank at 29th in attendance, with an average of 12,022 fans per game – which means that the other 1,436,372 people in Philadelphia are apparently not in that much of a hurry to find out how many minutes Thaddeus Young is going to get this year.

Everyone has probably resigned themselves to the Sixers’ wretchedness – quite the opposite of how people refuse to accept that the Eagles aren’t good anymore, and are currently spending their time having desperate, deranged debates like “can Kevin Kolb get us to the playoffs?” But the Sixers? Even Ed Snider acknowledged back in training camp that this team was going nowhere, and that their main selling point was that they play hard. To be fair, they do. They’ve been in most of their games. They gutted out a one-point win over the Wizards last week; the following night they held off a furious New Jersey rally for as long as they could before losing in overtime. But close losses are still losses, and the Sixers’ record is getting uglier by the day. So where are the angry crowds and panicky, hand-wringing articles that the Knicks get?

The only guy who seems genuinely surprised and disappointed by the team’s performance is Mo Cheeks, who watches every game with a scowl that clearly says “I used to dish passes to Dr. J – now you want me to spend the next five months of my life trying to find minutes for Louis Amundson? What the hell, Billy King?” It’s pretty sad. Mo says all the right things, but he knows this team is in trouble.

But maybe we’ve got it right, and the Sixers don’t need that New York-style outrage. Maybe playing hard is enough, and maybe the Sixers can turn Andre Miller into the next piece of the contending puzzle, and just lay low while Boston spends the next year or two making mincemeat of the Eastern Conference. If that’s really the plan – and it really ends up working – than I guess we can put up with nonstop horribleness for now. I just ask one favor, Sixers, while you make me wait through this grim-looking season: just beat up on the Knicks whenever you can. It’s a minor thing, but it means a lot to me.

I’ll have the embarrassing loss, with a side of turnovers. Hold the running game.

2007-12-03T09:12:00.000-05:00

Eagles drop to 5-7 after losing heartbreaker to Seahawks
by AJ Gonzalez

When Monday morning rolls around, AJ Feeley will be found in the doctor’s office. No, he won’t be nursing any physical injuries from Sunday’s game against Seattle (mentally he’s been scarred for life). Instead, he’ll be having a vision test examining just how color blind he truly is. Evidently, AJ can’t tell the difference between green and white. Now I know the Eagles sometimes wear white, AJ. However on this day, your team wore green. You know, the color everyone’s face turned after your fourth interception.

AJ Feeley's four interceptions on Sunday have Eagles fans back on the Donovan McNabb bandwagon. Or Kevin Kolb. Or Koy Detmer.

Let’s just say no one is confusing Feeley with Mark Wahlberg’s character in “Shooter” at this point. Yet other than Feeley’s poor performance, the lack of play-making abilities on defense and the abandonment of the running game in the second half were also chief components in the Eagles’ 28-24 loss to the Seahawks on Sunday.

In two and a half games, Feeley has thrown eight interceptions to five touchdowns. Have you ever yearned for Koy Detmer this much? His inspired play against New England proved to be more the exception than the rule. On Sunday, he made Lofa Tatupu look like the reincarnation of Lawrence Taylor. Ray Charles could have seen Tatupu in plain sight on all three picks thrown at him. Yeah, that dead blind guy. A 45 percent completion percentage coupled with four picks helps equal a 30.0 quarterback rating. The next coming of Jeff Garcia, he is not.

Consistently having a bad turnover ratio is indicative to losing in the NFL. So say, hypothetically of course, your quarterback throws four interceptions. Your team needs to come up with some big defensive plays of its own. Both Takeo Spikes and Omar Gaither dropped sure interceptions that hit them right between the numbers after Hasselbeck put on his best Feeley impersonation. I hate to say it, but is Takeo Spikes just a more expensive Dhani Jones? Coming into today’s game, Spikes had no forced fumbles, no sacks, and no interceptions (though he also has no air guitar dances either which is almost worth the extra millions). As is the case all too often, only Sheldon Brown came to play, as he was responsible for both Eagles’ takeaways. And someone please do me a favor and dispose of William James. The corner formerly known as Will Peterson had his hands on a pick, but let it slip away. I understand he was probably going to land out of bounds thus negating the interception, but I just can’t resist the urge to want to take a hot iron to his face every time he talks about how he deserves to start.

Another problem faced by the men in green was their hideous play-calling in the second half. They managed an anemic 129 yards in the second half, averaging just over 14 yards per possession as opposed to 249 yards in the first half, averaging 35.6 yards a possession. If you take away Westbrook’s 29-yard score early in the third quarter, he and Buckhalter combined for only nine carries totaling 30 yards for the whole second half. The reason I bore you with these numbers is this: there’s some sort of wintry mix of precipitation that’s been falling all day, it’s cold, your offensive line is much bigger than their whole front seven, and you have the best running back in the NFC, if not the entire NFL. RUN THE BALL! If I got a nickel after every disgruntled Eagles fan has screamed those words out loud at some point in the last two years, I’d be set for life. I’ve shouted that so often, people on the phone confuse me with a 93-year-old smoker with emphysema.

Ultimately, football games are won and lost by the team. As much as AJ is going to get killed this week, and rightfully so, he is not fully to blame after another heart-wrenching loss. Poor bastard apparently doesn’t even have Heather Mitts to go home to anymore. Boo hoo. The next four weeks will be very telling in regards to what direction this team is going in. But something tells me I’m about to get a lot of nickels next week too.

Game Notes
-Whether he gets to the quarterback or not, Trent Cole seems to make big plays every week. This week he had a half sack with a fumble recovery and a couple stops behind the line of scrimmage, including one on Maurice Morris on a huge third and one in the fourth quarter. He’s a complete player.
-Didn’t it seem as though Feeley waited for his target to get double- and triple-teamed before he made every throw?
-How wide open was Nate Burleson on his 43-yard touchdown? It’s almost as if the Seattle sideline hit the entire Eagles secondary with tranquillizer darts.
-The Seahawks’ return defense must be the worst in the NFL because even the Eagles’ sad return game looked almost respectable. Almost.
-Though Sheldon Brown had a good game, I think he’s still nursing his ankles after Maurice Morris broke them on his 45-yard touchdown run.
-Can David Akers kick anything beyond 40 yards anymore?
-There were only two penalties the entire game. Both were on Seattle. I guess that’s something to be proud of.
-On Westbrook’s 64-yard punt return, Hank Baskett came thisclose to blocking the kick. If only he were about two inches taller.

Eli Manning: It's Always Raining in My Mind

2007-12-02T19:29:00.000-05:00

by Nick Takach

With a 'ho-hum' and a 'aw shucks,' Eli Manning led the New York Giants to a devastating 42-10 loss to the Adrian Peterson-less Minnesota Vikings at Giants Stadium last Sunday.

While only giving up 251 yards to the Vikings offense, the Giants defense was hung out to dry by Manning's four interceptions, three which came back for touchdowns. In fact, the highest scoring unit in the game was the Vikings' defense, scoring three touchdowns to their offense’s two scores.

In 2007, Eli's fourth year out of Ole Miss University (voted #4 in the top ten most hick schools ever), he has yet to turn into the awesome miniature version of his older brother that he has always wanted to be.

Combining excellent bursts with inconsistent throws, Eli has never really endeared himself to the rabid Giants fans.

It's wondrous as to why he chose Gotham City over San Diego, which means "Our Diego" in Spanish.

Going into the ‘03 draft, many national pundits thought he would eventually become even greater than Manning… I mean Peyton. While at Ole Miss, he threw 81 touchdowns for well over 10,000 yards with only 35 interceptions while placing third in the Heisman vote.

Doing that, he actually made Ole Miss University respectable (in football, not in real life). In 2003 he took them to a #16 ranking and a Cotton Bowl win over Oklahoma State, then ranked #21.

During his professional career, he has taken the Giants to two playoff games, losing 24-21 to the Eagles at Lincoln Financial Field in last year's opening round. In fact, his stats at the pro level don't come close to holding any water when compared to his college stats. As a Giant, Eli has thrown 70 touchdowns and 59 interceptions for 10,425 yards.

What’s really missing from Eli’s repertoire is the arc that his brother’s career had. While Peyton’s first years as a pro were filled with almost as many interceptions as touchdowns, he always had the attitude and the arm to play as a high-level quarterback in the NFL.

Eli’s arm looks more suited for channel changing than game changing. That look on his face ain’t gonna help him either.

Maybe instead of trying to be as good as his brother, which seems impossible, he could aim to be as good as his father, Archie Manning, who was only a semi-legend on a horrible New Orleans team. Archie only looks sad now because his one son is a ninny.

Well, since anyone who is reading this hopefully likes the hometown Eagles, don’t you kind of hope that he sucks? I know I hope that he plays inconsistent for the next 10 years in the Big Rotten Apple.

We should all rejoice in the fact that we only have to deal with the worst Manning quarterback.

What the Phils have to look forward to on the Hot and Cold Stoves

2007-11-29T13:16:00.000-05:00

by Goose

Yeah, I’m as surprised as you. But when the Phillies came out of the darkest depths of Mordor to shock the NL East and beat the Mets this year to make the playoffs for the first time in 14 years (and let’s not talk about that just now), the hot stove got fired up in this part of the country. So I decided to take a quick look at some of the free-agent rumors I’ve heard in the past few weeks and see if they would help (or hurt) the 2008 Phillies campaign.

Curt Schilling, P
It’s a moot point, since he resigned with the Red Sox, but for a while there it seemed a possibility. And personally, I thought this would have been a good move for both parties. We get an established veteran pitcher looking for one more shot at glory, and Schilling gets a chance to lead the losingest professional sports team in the history of everything to the World Series. Never mind our starting rotation would have been the perfect cast for the “Golden Girls go back to the prom” episode I’ve written in my head. What other free agent pitcher do you like the looks of – Randy Wolf?

Mariano Rivera, closer
The Phils missed out on this one too. Rivera accepted the Yankees deal of three years, $45 million. Not sure I would have liked it anyway. Yeah, in October he’s the Terminator, but during the regular season he looked like Terminator 3. And the only thing I want from that sequel is the awesome villain chick – without the never-ending quest to kill me of course.

Andruw Jones, CF
While intriguing, I suspect Mr. Jones might be one of those players lying about his age. I’m guessing he’s only slightly younger than Danny Almonte. And in 2007 he certainly looked as though old age had caught up with him. Pretty sure he used a wheelchair a couple times to get to the batter’s box.

Mike Lowell, 3B
Another missed opportunity for the Phils. Before resigning with the Red Sox, he mentioned he would like to come play for the Phillies. When was the last time anyone seriously said something like that, unprovoked? But maybe this is a good thing that he ended up back with Boston though. Coming off a World Series MVP, his price tag was very hefty. But just for mentioning he would’ve liked playing in Philly, the Phils should’ve put out a nice offer for him – which they did, but apparently not enough to woo him from the reigning champs.

Scott Rolen, 3B
Ok, when I heard this one, I thought it was a joke. But the pieces almost add up. It seems Rolen hates LaRussa more than Chris Wheeler’s awkward advances, and the Cardinals are looking to shave some payroll. Would I want Rolen back though? No. Just for the fact that we’ll have to revisit those asinine, “Whose better, Schmidt or Rolen?” debates yet again.

Randy Wolf, P
Oh God, please no. Look, he was great those four times he pitched for us, but to say he’s injury prone is like saying Ed Wade likes veteran relievers.

Looking at this list, it’s a little underwhelming. While the nucleus is there for the Phillies already, let’s hope Gillick decides to make something happen for his swan song, before he hands over the reins to the emergency catcher for 2009. Because I have no faith in him.

The legend of Brett Favre

2007-11-23T19:53:00.000-05:00

by Nick Takach

How many times must a man throw a ball before you can tell him to become more of a 'game manager?'

All that's made Brett Favre do is throw highly-efficient passes hard as hell. Favre's main target for the last five years, Donald Driver, has said on numerous occasions that the fireballer’s passes have broken almost every one of his fingers. Now that's a teammate.

Brett Favre is 10-1 this year and no one knows how. Not even John Madden.

Either way, the eight-time Pro Bowler quarterback has done what no quarterback has ever done in the NFL in making a strong comeback at an advanced age with no big-name help.

Think about it.

John Elway's resurgence in ‘97-‘98, when he won back-to-back Super Bowls (one against Favre) were aided in large part by the emergence of Terell (Te-rell, not Terr-el) Davis.

Randall Cunningham's comeback tour after leaving the Eagles and the Marble countertop business included a Minnesota team that went to the NFC Championship Game in ‘98 and was littered with stars. Cunningham's targets included Cris Carter, Jake Reed, and a certain rookie phenom Randy Moss. That's not to mention the incredible run game led by running back Robert Smith.

This year Favre has handed the ball off to a myriad of different tailbacks, with Ryan Grant being the latest, and greatest, breaking the 100-yard mark twice in his young career. If it wasn't for him, Dorsey Levins might be able to make a run at playing in his 45th NFL season.

After a dominant performance against the Lions on Thanksgiving, he has now passed for 22 touchdowns to only eight interceptions, a clip that has been the main factor in his resurgence. He is throwing just as many touchdowns while cutting his interceptions in half. Favre is also fifth in the league with a 101.5 passer rating, whatever that means.

And every week, the bandwagon is picking up members (self included). If Green Bay can win its 11/29 contest at Texas Stadium against the Cowboys, then home-field advantage for the NFC playoffs is essentially theirs.

His comeback has many scratching their heads.

Where did this guy come from, and where has he been? How is he winning again?

How is he having this year of unrestrained splendor, intensified because of age, not because of talent.

I think I know how: Wrangler Jeans.

Eagles vs. Patriots: Nationally-Televised Nightmare?

2007-11-23T19:35:00.000-05:00

by Nick Takach

From 0-10 to 10-0.

The records of the winless Miami Dolphins and the undefeated New England Patriots stand in stark contrast when placed next to each other, bringing a brutal reality to the 2007 Philadelphia Eagles season. The Eagles are not that good.

In fact, no team in history has had to go against an undefeated team with this many wins the week after you beat their winless AFC East counterparts (I guessed on that one, but how could that not be true? It sounds crazy).

The Eagles, however, are afforded that luxury after meagerly defeating the Dolphins 17-7 at the Linc last Sunday.

So what chance does the team have to win this week?

None.

And that's exactly why they have a chance.

Wait. No, I'm just kidding. We really have no shot against them. But doesn't it sound funny when broadcasters say that?

The Birds have a quarterback in Donovan McNabb who is on the mend… again.
With a sprained ankle and a thumb injury, McNabb is only a game-time decision for this Sunday night’s extinction of the birds.

The sad fact is they desperately need him to play if they want any chance of making the playoffs. As for the rest of the team, it’s hard to find match-ups that work in the Birds’ favor.
The Eagles starting wide receivers, Curtis and Brown, are as inconsistent and sub-par as any group in the league, with no true number one go-to guy. The defense has been walked up and down on all year long and while not giving up a lot of scores, the once-decorated group has really grown into a shadow of itself. A pressure defense that no longer has the players or the will, or both, to create any pressure.

And with this large black cloud emanating over the Eagles this year, they sssstill have a chance to soar on to the backend of the playoffs.

Holding the sixth playoff spot are the Detroit Lions, who the Eagles are one game behind, yet beat handily in Week 3, 56-21. Detroit, with games against the Cowboys, Chargers and Green Bay, have a much tougher schedule than the Eagles.

All in all, the Eagles might actually be the sixth best team in the NFC, which equates to 25th, if you count the AFC. And that's the problem with the NFL this year. The gap between the Patriots and everyone else in the league is too large to overcome. It takes away the surprise and unpredictably that the NFL used to have in abundance.

The Eagles will get beat by at least 23 points (that was my guess before I heard about the 23.5 point spread) and they will still have a shot to get in the playoffs.

Just remember, covering the spread is not a moral victory.

So if you get bored with the game this week, here are some other programs to watch this Sunday once the game is out of hand.

8:45
Last 15 minutes of The Amazing Race CBS or The Simpsons - FOX
9:00
Old Slutty Housewives - ABC
The Brady Bunch Movie – Comedy Central
8:00-11:30
A Shot at Herpes with Tila Tequila – MTV

Asterisks and Assholes: The Barry Bonds Story

2007-11-23T18:58:00.000-05:00

by Jim Ballas

It’s that special time of year again, and I can’t help but be excited. No, it’s not just holiday season, but baseball controversy season. However, due to the most recent years in sports, we should call it something clever, like “Cheating.” Oh, I guess that’s a little more true than clever.

Current inmates have already placed an asterisk next to Bonds' future benchlifting record at the prison

But as controversy season starts up and we’re waiting for Jose Mesa to be accused of his next sexual assault or stabbing, the Bonds indictment can keep us entertained. Four years after the initial BALCO trial, the government decides Bonds was lying about his steroid use. In the last four years, they’ve gotten no real evidence and the only person who could testify against Bonds, his trainer Greg Anderson, already said he’s willing to go to jail instead.

Anderson is out of his mind. He’s already been to prison twice: once because he was guilty of conspiracy to distribute steroids and money laundering; the other time because he wouldn’t testify against Bonds. If your trainer/friend/convicted steroids dealer goes to jail so he doesn’t have to testify, it means he’s keeping a huge secret.

I think some jail time might be good for Bonds. He’ll get to lift a lot of weights and make some new friends – maybe they can supply him with “athletic support” when they get out too. Eventually, he could be released, ghost-write a book and enjoy his later years not being in the Hall of Fame. Honestly, I think Bonds would stand a better chance in prison than Anderson with his pretty-boy soul patch. Look at a picture of either of these two: aren’t they just the epitomes of innocence?

So where does this leave baseball? Some say that Bonds helps the game, making it more exciting. That’s the general argument about the whole steroids era – it’s the “Sosa and McGwire saved baseball” thing. On the other hand, most say that Bonds is ruining the game, and I tend to agree. Personally, if I were any pitcher in the MLB that had to pitch against Bonds, I would’ve thrown it at his fat head. If you can hit a catcher’s mitt, you can definitely hit that overgrown face.

And as Bonds ruins baseball, as many fans believe, Bud Selig sits by and does nothing. There are now rumors that because of the indictment, Selig might suspend Bonds next season. That would be ludicrous – Selig should’ve suspended Bonds back in April, before he broke the record. Now, it should be a lifetime ban, just like Pete Rose. Rose may have bet on games, but at least he wasn’t injecting an advantage.

Do I think Bonds will go to jail? No, he’s too rich and there’s really no evidence against him. The government is proceeding with the indictment because they know they have nothing left to uncover. All the people that should speak out against him most likely won’t and he’ll just leave the court with a smug smile on his fat face.

Do I think Bonds will get to the Hall of Fame? Hell no. The latter part of his career has been too affected by controversy and we shouldn’t forget who gets to vote him in – the press. I don’t know if there’s a person the press loves to hate more than Bonds, so that bodes well for him not going to Cooperstown. Well, I suppose he could still get in to the Hall of Fame though, but he’d just have to pay admission like the rest of us.

Eagles win, but Dolphins put McNabb back in a familiar spot

2007-11-19T20:39:00.000-05:00

by D.C. Fisher

The Eagles victory over the stuck-in-a-tuna-net Miami Dolphins this weekend was uglier than A.J. Feeley’s neckbeard. If not for the Villanova-powered strength of Brian Westbrook, da Birds could’ve easily lost that game. And beyond the shame of losing to a grown man named “Cam Cameron,” we would’ve provided the Fins with their first victory of the season. But beyond all of this, there is, essentially, only one question going through the minds of Eagles fans right now. No, it’s not a question of who finally paid the ransom to let L.J. Smith out of hiding, but a question of what to do about Donovan McNabb.

McNabb was hurt for the fourth time in the last six seasons the week prior to Thanksgiving in the second quarter of Sunday’s game. Perhaps he just likes to go out and celebrate Icelandic Language Day (November 16) more than the rest of us. Who knows? Unlike those other times, however, most Eagles fans were probably breathing a sigh of relief that Donovan had to leave, as he was a pathetic 3/11 for 34 yards, two Schuylkill Expressway-ugly interceptions, and a final passer rating of 0.4, which is approximately the BAC you’d need to have to actually enjoy an Eagles game lately. Feeley came in to screw the Dolphins again and help lead Philly to a win. And when I say, “lead Philly to a win,” I mean, “not drop the ball when he hands it off to Brain Westbrook.” All the while, heralded rookie Kevin Kolb looked on from the sidelines, and contemplated whether he’d fall under the terrible Houston Cougars Quarterbacks Curse that got both David Klinger and Andre Ware.

The blame can hardly fall entirely on McNabb though. He showed that his legs are beginning to become an asset again with two nice scrambles for 28 yards, and had a strong pocket presence. The biggest problem we are being faced with is the fact that the Eagles receiving corps are open less frequently than the vegetable crisper in Reid’s refrigerator. Reggie Brown is proving himself to be a slightly taller, more expensive Todd Pinkston, Jason Avant is actually less productive than Freddie Mitchell, and for some reason, the short, white, slow Kevin Curtis still hasn’t scored a touchdown since week 6. Good thing we gave him $8 million per year, and not someone who can stretch the field, like, oh, I don’t know, Donte’ Stallworth (who also wins an award in the “Most Confusing and Unnecessary Apostrophe in a Name” category). McNabb was getting some great pass protection all day from the Eagles fantastic O-line, but couldn’t find anyone open and tried to force the ball where he didn’t have a play.

There were positives, however, such as Westbrook’s aforementioned career day, the great offensive line work the Eagles’ front five has been doing, and some fine play by the defense to keep the Dolphins’ offense off the board, using a tactic called “just stand there while Miami shoots itself in the foot.” Or flipper, or fluke, or whatever f-word you want to use to describe the Miami offense. Yes, even that one. In fact, the only touchdown Philly gave up was on the 87-yard run-back by Ginn, who showed that he can return kicks without destroying his leg during the celebration, Bill Gramatica-style.

The Eagles have a lot of work ahead of them, as they will almost assuredly be curb-stomped by the shamelessly evil New England Patriots and coach Darth Hobo. But after that, the Birds have winnable games against Seattle, New Orleans and Buffalo. And if they can surprise either the Giants in Philly or the ‘Boys in Dallas, they might just reach the magic 9-7 and have a shot at the playoffs.

The Five Types of Free Agents

2007-11-19T10:29:00.000-05:00

by Ray Porreca

It’s hot stove time and you better damn well know it! Our Phillies are supposedly going to increase the team’s budget for 2008 in order to bring in some top-flight talent this offseason (Carlos Silva anyone?).

No doubt you’ve all been wondering who they might bring in. So who will they sign? Mike Lowell? Randy Wolf? Danny Almonte? We’ll have to wait and see. In the meantime, we know that there are a lot of players who have hit the open market. These players can be broken down into five basic categories.

Category 1: Young player isn’t really that good, but hits open market at young age

This may be the most dangerous of all free agents. They hit the market and command long-term deals, only to eat salary and suck for the next four or more years. Sometimes, they can turn out to be OK, but nothing more. The prime example in Philadelphia is Gregg Jefferies.

Gregg Jefferies was one of the greatest Phillies ever if you omit talent level and appreciate his ability to eat up salary

At 27, he had been playing professional baseball for about 17 years. The Phillies signed him to a four-year, $20 million deal. He spent the next three and a half seasons frustrating the 27 fans who went to see the team during those lean years. In the end, he was sent to the California Angels of Los Angeles now located in Anaheim. Maybe it was the fact that he was working under the biggest contract the Phillies had ever given a free agent, or maybe it was the fact that he could walk under the first basemen’s legs, but he just never lived up to that contract.

See for reference: Giles, Marcus and San Diego Padres

Category 2: Veteran is offered too much money to say no

This guy may just be a big name, or he may be one of those “gamers.” He signs a contract and soon after learns he hates the town and the town hates him. Lance Parrish comes to mind. An all-star catcher with the Tigers, the Phillies added him to their vaunted 1987 team, which boasted the likes of Von Hayes and Steve Jeltz. After making a truly horrendous Yellow Pages commercial with Mike Schmidt, Parrish went on to piss off the city with his uninspired play and Wayne Newtownesque mustache. He mercifully left after the 1988 season when he was traded for Dave Holdridge. Holdridge was probably one of the best pitchers ever to pass through the Phillies’ system (I mean it, look him up). The $3 million given to Parrish doesn’t seem like a lot by today’s standards, but if you flush that much money down the toilet, see if it doesn’t clog up your bathroom for 19 to 20 years.

See for reference: Belle, Albert and Baltimore Orioles

Category 3: Veteran pitcher is a 4, so naturally, pay him like a 2

I would use Mark Portugal as an example, but I can’t do that in good conscience. He was a 7 at best. I’ll put it this way: Sting can’t sing anymore, yet when the Police reunite, thousands of people pay thousands of dollars to see him and ignore the fact that he has nothing left. They cheer, they wallow at his feet, they beg him to follow them at all hours of the night. They see the old Sting, not the one who is on tour with the Police, but the one who cursed us all when he teamed up with the Barbershop Quartet From Hell featuring Michael Bolton, Bryan Adams and Rod Stewart. Some GMs tell themselves that the aging man they just signed is still the Wild Thing, not Eddie Harris. Inevitably, the one they sign doesn’t know where to hide the Vagisil.

See for reference: Glavine, Tom and New York Mets; Jackson, Mike and Philadelphia Phillies

Category 4: Well, he’s better than other pitchers, right?

Of all the types of free agents, this one may be the biggest killer to a team. It happens every year: a pitcher blazes through the playoffs, seemingly mowing down every batter he faces. Unfortunately, the pitcher is usually just ordinary for his new team the next season. Jon Lieber was lights-out for the Yankees in 2004. The Phillies weren’t going to miss out on this monster pitcher and gave him a $21 million contract over three years. It worked out well… for Lieber. He used the money to buy a massive truck and apparently, massive quantities of food. Though he did lose five pounds prior to the 2007 season, Lieber also ran over half of the Class A Clearwater Threshers when he arrived at spring training, setting the team’s minor league system back a few years.

See for reference: Suppan, Jeff and the Milwaukee Brewers

Category 5: Unknown foreign commodity

This is still a new type as free agents go. It all started with Hideo Nomo in 1995. He won the NL Rookie of the Year award for the Dodgers. He spent the next 10 seasons on a rollercoaster. Blinded by flashbulbs every time he threw a pitch, he was hit or miss, with emphasis on “hit.” We in Philadelphia remember Nomo as being the only man who ever got Scott Rolen to show emotion after the part-timer got fed up with Nomo’s incessant beanings. The Phillies have yet to be burned/rewarded by such a free agent, but this hot stove may bring sushi, as reports have the team pursuing pitcher Hiroki Kuroda. These players have such a big adjustment to make that sometimes they just can’t handle it. Thankfully, as long as the hype belies the talent there will never be a shortage of imports.

See for reference: Irabu, “Fat Toad” Hideki and New York Yankees; Matsui, Kaz and New York Mets; Park, Chan Ho and Arizona Diamondbacks.

There is, technically, one more type of free agent: the one who works out. The team signs him, they improve, they win and live happily ever after. Jim Thome could be placed in this category, and there is no question that the Phils’ acquisition of Pete Rose was key to the 1980 Championship. As for that category, well, it’s not fun to write about.

So there you have it – the five types of free agents. So strap in; I’m crossing my fingers and hoping to get this deal done with Kosuke Fukudome. He’s a can’t-miss.

A memo to Billy King

2007-11-15T14:09:00.000-05:00

by Goose

If Sir Lawrence Olivier has taught me anything, it’s this… cloning is not a viable option to bring your organization back to prominence. It didn’t work for the Nazis, and it doesn’t look like it’s going to work for the Sixers.

Let me explain myself.

Sixers GM Billy King is depending on players like Thaddeus Young to lift his team back to respectability. Meanwhile, former Sonics star Detlef Schrempf has a sigh of relief as Thaddeus' first name was almost as cool as his.

I think Andre Iguodala is the bee’s knees. He’s a fun, explosive player who is full of energy. His potential reminds me a lot of Pippen without the headaches. He handles well, finishes well, and plays tough D. So if you asked me if I would enjoy watching five Iguodalas on the court at once, I would say sure – and might even bust out my Sega Genesis ’94 Showdown to make it happen (the last true basketball video game I had a relationship with. Trust me, I could write 10,000 words on this game alone. And yes, I know Iguodala isn’t in that game. I’d just use five Jamaal Mashburns and pretend they’re bulkier).

But I do know enough about genetics and time travel (I saw “Time Cop” twice!) to realize that this scenario is impossible. And I’m 90% sure that you do too. Unfortunately, I think you’re still trying to create your Fourth Reich on the court in other ways, and that’s dangerous.

Rodney Carney? I love his spunk. Plays tenacious D without the Jack Black facial expressions. Offense? Yeah. Not so much. Looks a little like Jack talking to Locke on the island…you know – Lost?

Thaddeus Young? OK, I have no idea. Maybe one day he will lead the Sixers to a championship. It’s obviously early. My problem is not with his skills (since his last name perfectly describes him at this point); my problem is WHY DID YOU DRAFT ANOTHER SMALL FORWARD?

Remember “Multiplicity”? Clones are bad enough, but when you start getting clones of clones, well, you start getting called Steve. And no one wants that. Especially when you’re under a spotlight, and your center has the same frame as the alien that welcomed Richard Dreyfuss onto his spaceship.

What I’m trying to say is that there are a few other positions that might need an upgrade before we start stocking up on the small forward position. Unless your plan is to stockpile forwards and then go looking for a trade (and I’m gonna be honest, I don’t think that strategy is all that great either), then I think power forward was the place to go.

So please – forget the small forwards and look elsewhere. You’re good at the 3. Really good. It’s the other four positions you might want to focus on. Because Willie Green is not an answer for anything. Oh, and if you haven’t seen “Star Wars: Attack of the Clones” yet, trust me, it doesn’t end well for the good guys.

A nice variety of talent up for grabs in Phree Agency 07-08

2007-11-14T21:46:00.000-05:00

by D.C. Fisher

With the exception of the acquisition of Jim Thome, free agency has rarely been a good time for the Phillies. And even that joy was tempered when Thome didn’t help at all, got hurt, and we discovered that we had a younger, cheaper, more powerful hitter playing at the minor league level. I think his name was Howard something. The relevant point here is that the Phillies often struggle with periods of free agency, mostly reeling in veteran middle relievers (but not trading for them, because Ed Wade is gone) and bench players that make you long for the days of Kevin Jordan, Kevin Sefcik and Kevin Stocker (the Phillies issues with middling players named Kevin will be addressed at a later time).

However, just about all the big name guys the Phillies were supposedly going to go after, guys like Schilling, Rivera and Lowell, are either resigned or precariously close to doing so. What this means is that you could probably keep your Yuengling nice and chilly in our hot stove. Because of this, I can think of no better time than now to consider which Phillies deserve a new contract and which should be released.

Aaron Rowand: NO
There is the issue of whether or not Aaron Rowand should be resigned. I have two words for you: Rusty Greer. Much like the former Texas Ranger Greer, Rowand is famous for his balls-to-the-wall (well, maybe chin-to-the-wall) playing style that wins over plenty of fans, especially in Philly.

Centerfielder Aaron Rowan is one of the key Phillies out on the free agency market.

But this style often results in a truncated career, plagued with injuries and stints on the D.L. Greer and Rowand’s stats and playing styles compare very well, which raises a red flag, as Rusty’s career took a nose dive after seven years of playing and about 3,000 AB’s. Rowand stands at six years of playing time and 2,660 AB’s, which is way too close to the magic Greer numbers to justify the six-year, $84 million deal he’s looking for. Sorry Aaron, but that’s what you get for smashing your face to help Gavin Floyd. You shoulda known better.

Tadahito Iguchi: YES
Iguchi is very much a strange case, and that’s not just because he’s from the wacky moon-land of Japan. While he has expressed desire to return to the Chicago White Sox, it might be tough for him to go from the division champs to fourth place in the tough AL Central. And while Lowell is still potentially on the Phils’ radar, Iguchi will come with roughly the equivalent power, runs scored, walks, OBP and defense. Lowell would be an upgrade in terms of HRs, RBIs and other power numbers, but the Phillies already have plenty of that, he says, crossing his fingers and hoping Burrell doesn’t take a giant dump on the team again.

Freddy Garcia: NO
You have a torn labrum. You won one game last year. Every time I saw you pitch, you struck out eight guys but only went 4 and 2/3 innings (these are well-known symptoms of Brandon Duckworth Disease). And lastly, you’re a fat guy with a chinstrap beard. There really isn’t a single thing to like here, and that last point is pretty much a sure sign of evil.

Antonio Alfonseca: NO
Typically, when your ERA is approaching the number of fingers you have on one hand, and you actually have one more finger than most people and this fact still holds true, you’re expendable.

Jose Mesa: YES
True story: When one of my former baseball coaches was a prospect for the Orioles, he had Mesa as a roommate. He was once awoken in the middle of the night by an angry “Bawltmore” man who was armed with a knife and trying to pound down the hotel door to get at Mesa, who apparently had gotten his 14-year-old daughter pregnant. The moral of the story: this guy is nuts. Every clubhouse needs one maniac so spice things up a little bit. For this reason, and this reason alone, we should keep him. And besides, every Phillies bullpen needs a scapegoat. So it's either resign Mesa or hope Rheal Cormier hasn't joined some kind of terrorist sect of the Quebec Independence Party. Or, hey, MarkLeiter probably isn't dead yet. They'd all be good choices.

Abraham Nunez: NO
NO…and beyond that…NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOO!

The Eagles fan's "Walk Away" move

2007-11-14T21:25:00.000-05:00

by Huggy

Yes, the Eagles “Walk Away.” We all know what it is, and we’ve all done it before. It happens at that point in the game when the Eagles have a third down and three to go and the score is 17-14, and the Birds are losing. So, what happens? McNabb throws an interception. Thus, we the Eagles fan can no longer look at the television and must stand up and “walk away.” We don’t walk away for long; just long enough to not see the result of another Eagles screw-up. There are several degrees of the Eagles “Walk Away,” and here they are:

The Quick Walk Away

This is the most common of Eagles “walk aways.” We usually see this when the Birds commit a stupid penalty, McNabb overthrows his 500th pass of the game, or Andy Reid calls a play so predictable, the Special Olympics football coach would’ve figured it out. This “walk away” usually lasts approximately less than one minute. Also, you may hear the person “walking away” say a particular player or coach sucks, or this is bull$%#@! This “walk away” is no cause for alarm and happens once or twice in any given game.

The Five-Minute Walk Away

This “walk away” is not so common, unless you’re counting this current season, which probably has at least one of these during every game played thus far. Common scenarios of this “walk away” include: crucial fumbles or interceptions, a cornerback being toasted for a touchdown, or possibly a 45-yard pass interference call. The person “walking away” will witness one of these travesties, yell several f-words, slam a beer down or kick some piece of furniture. This walk away usually encompasses a bathroom trip first. Even if you don’t have to go, it gets you furthest away from the television. Next, there will be a visit to the kitchen, where another beer is acquired. Also, there will be a quick search for some unknown snack that didn’t initially make it for the start of the game. By this point, the walk-awayer will receive a call on his cell phone from a friend who’s also done the five-minute walk away. Both men will talk about how much the Eagles suck and how the national television announcers hate the Eagles and are clearly biased toward the opposing team. After hanging up the phone, the walk-awayer will slowly return to the game and resume his starting position.

The Permanent Walk Away

This walk away is clearly the most serious of all three. It rarely happens to a die-hard fan, but when it does, it’s a truly awful site to see. Up until this point, it has been a good game with the Eagles usually ahead by a very small margin, maybe three points or less. However, the opposing team answers back on its next possession with an amazing touchdown drive. Our defense looks completely overmatched and when it’s all over, the other team, which has been losing the whole game, suddenly goes ahead with three minutes remaining.

At this point the “sixth sense” of the walk-awayer usually kicks in. This lifelong fan knows if the Eagles will score or if they will be the victims of runs that lose yards and passes that are missed and overthrown. So, once this Eagles “sense” kicks in and we realize the Eagles won’t win, even though there’s plenty of time left, this is when we see the “permanent walk away.” The permanent walk away rarely involves cursing or yelling. The fan will immediately shut the television off to eradicate all visual and audio images of an Eagles loss right away. Next (and here’s the key to the permanent walk away) the person must leave their place of residence, get in their car and run a pointless errand.

Their phone will ring with other disgusted fans calling them, but our permanent walk awayer is far too upset to talk with anyone. Commonly, after a permanent walk away, the Eagles game may not even be mentioned until the following morning. These walk aways are not new to Eagles fans. They’ve been passed down by father and grandfather and will be passed on to our children and grandchildren. Such is the life of an Eagles fan.

Before You Get Carried Away…

2007-11-14T13:21:00.000-05:00

by Angelo Gonzalez

Despite the repulsive image of Big Red tonguing Donnie Mac’s ear this Sunday, the game between Philly and Washington had a curious resemblance of yesteryear’s resilient Eagle teams. The image of Shawn Andrews and Jon Runyan laying vicious blocks on the ‘Skins would-be tacklers brought back flashes of last year’s run to the postseason. For a minute, I thought I had gone back to last Christmas evening in Dallas.

Brian Westbrook and the Eagles are coming off a big divisional win in Washington. But with a disappointing 4-5 record, all that did was delay the inevitable.

Then that had me thinking of the Cowboys and last week’s raping, so I quickly came back down to Earth. Nevertheless, at the moment, the fan in me outweighs the realist, thus allowing me to at least attempt to enjoy some part of what has developed into a disappointing season. However, the cautious Eagles fan that I am is prohibiting me from getting too attached with those nostalgic sentiments.

Now before we all start drinking the Birds’ Kool-Aid, a little perspective should be presented on the Eagles’ current state of affairs. They’re sitting at an ugly record of 4-5. Their head coach and quarterback are being treated like witches in Salem in 1692 by fans and media alike. Their public relations department should be slapped and then incarcerated for allowing them to wear those vomit-inducing throwbacks from 1933. Not to mention their only star on the offensive side of the ball is annoyed that he doesn’t receive any game checks due to a banking error that occurred months ago. If this franchise were a ship, it’d be the Titanic, with the part of a dying Leonardo DiCaprio being played by one Donovan McNabb. Yet through all that, this team still has a pulse and is looking to reach the .500 mark for the first time all year. With a winless Miami team on deck, the likelihood of such a feat seems easily accomplishable, albeit only lasting a week due to the fact that New England in Foxboro the following week would be a sequel to Dallas running the train on them three weeks prior. So as The Wolf says in Pulp Fiction, “don’t go sucking each other’s @!&%$ quite yet.”

Yet watching the go-ahead touchdown by Brian Westbrook on the perfectly executed screen pass late in the forth quarter reminded me of all the good times. Like when you break up with your girlfriend for appropriate reasons, yet months later when you hear your “song” you melt on the inside and forget the fact that she is a cold, shallow, superficial individual who is a waste of a perfectly good rack. Well, maybe not quite like that, but you get the picture. We shouldn’t overlook the glaring shortcomings of this team due to the fact that at times they’ve displayed a bit of the flare of last season’s squad. But could this perhaps be a turning point? Are the winds of change hitting the Birds’ sails? As appealing as that scenario sounds, it’s as probable as Andy Reid becoming a popular male model for Abercrombie and Fitch. When you combine the notion that this team may not be as good as previously thought with the fact that the NFC East is as tough as it has been in recent years, it ain’t looking too pretty.

The more I think about it, the more somber this victory becomes. This team is incapable of winning a Super Bowl. The window of opportunity to win a championship has been closed for the Philadelphia Eagles for now. Isn’t that the goal set out every year? We constantly strive to win a Super Bowl, especially in this city. What good is it to keep up the façade that this is a team competent enough to vie for a victory in the Big Game? Names like Reno Mahe and Greg Lewis can still be found on the depth chart. The defense made the Skins’ Campbell-to-Thrash connection look like Montana to Rice. Yes, that same James Thrash that felt it necessary to give props to the Big Man upstairs after every six-yard grab during his years in Philly. All I’m saying is that it was certainly nice to not have to hide my face in disgust after this Eagles game, but all Sunday’s victory did was delay the inevitable decline of what was an exciting ride lasting several years. So I guess I was wrong because once again my undying allegiance to my team is being outweighed by my realistic approach to the game of football. As exciting as Brian Westbrook is to watch, his brilliance is more the exception than the rule in regards to the play of this team. Only time will tell if we can truly expect anything for the rest of this season. Although, this is one time I’d sure love to be proven wrong.

The Andy we all know and love. For the most part. Sometimes. You get the idea.

2007-11-13T20:52:00.000-05:00

by Ray Porreca

“I have to put my team in a better position to win,” Andy Reid said after the Eagles lost 38-17 to the Cowboys two Sundays ago.

Just a week ago, Reid stood at the podium like the Pope before the Vatican council and uttered these unthinkable words. Much to the bewilderment of the reporters in the room, he insisted over and over that he was the sole reason for the Eagles thrashing at the hands of Tony Romo’s dimples.

This past Sunday, after the Eagles 33-25 win over the Redskins, he triumphantly climbed the hundreds of steps to the press room, cleared his throat, coughed, stopped to catch his breath, and faced the same reporters.

The look on his face was one of restrained joy.

Thankfully, he was able to keep himself from jumping atop the podium and declaring victory.

“First, the injuries…”

He slowly read through the injuries, looking like a kid in a candy store.

Then he came to the point where he would declare it. Seasoned reporters sat on the edge of their seats, giddy with anticipation, their palms sweaty. One reporter was said to have been shaking, trembling as Andy raised his hand and opened his mouth.

He then wiped the sweat from his brow (that’s a long, goddamn walk up those steps) and coughed.

His modesty would not allow him to praise himself for putting his team in a position to win. His figure would not allow for a pat on the back.

If he were telling the press corps week in and week out that he had to put his team in a better position to win, that would be one thing, but he – as he had done most weeks – coached the perfect game.

Sure, he let cornerback Will James get JamesThrashed one too many times. There was some confusion as to the use of two point conversions, and maybe those blitzes simply don’t work.

But you take those things out of the equation, and he had put his team in position to win. He of course wasn’t calling the plays on offense, because that’s “Marty’s” job (sidenote: did anyone notice that Marty has hinges instead of joints on his elbows and knees?)

He didn’t call the defense because, well, they may have actually gotten pressure if he had (he’s that good).

The Wizard of the West Coast did everything right, won his team the game, and will never again have to blame himself for a loss. He had never before failed to put his team in a position to win, and as we all have learned in the past nine years, Andy never makes the same mistake twice.

What the F, here are some additional notes to take a gander at:

On the sideline after the game Reid embraced his oft-embattled QB Donovan McNabb and whispered something in his ear, or did he? It’s been theorized that he was trying to rub his moustache in McNabb’s goatee in order to create a static charge.

Has anyone noticed that Will James has yet to stop anyone this season?

The 0-9 Dolphins are up next. The rumor is that once a team reaches 0-16, the ’76 Bucs return to the surface.

We've got God on our side

2007-11-13T10:02:00.000-05:00

by Mark Downing

What’s the hottest trend in Major League Baseball today? Cutoff jerseys? No. $350 million free agent contracts? Wrong. Japanese submariners? Try again. It’s God. Yes, God, that white-bearded creator of all is making a huge splash in professional baseball and heathens everywhere better take notice.

Jose Reyes and billions of other athletes thank the Big Guy upstairs for home runs, strikeouts, mound conferences, errors, touchdowns, missed field goals, slashing penalties and whatever else they're thankful for.

Religion has always found its way into sports. If God had a nickel for every time a player said, “I’d like to thank God,” in a post-game interview, he’d be richer than, well… God. There’s “Touchdown Jesus” at Notre Dame Stadium, post-game circle prayers in the NFL, and NASCAR even has Christian chaplains literally standing on the starting line ready to give drivers race-day blessings.

Major League Baseball is no exception to the rule. For years players have been pointing to the sky after a homerun or strikeout, a tip-of-the-cap to the big guy if you will. And who could forget pitcher Eddie Harris’ quote to Pedro Cerrano in the 1989 film classic “Major League” – “You trying to say that Jesus Christ can’t hit a curveball?” But, a USA Today article about the Colorado Rockies in June of 2006 upped the ante. It described the Rockies clubhouse as a place principally guided by Christianity and morals, free of obscene music, Playboy magazines and cursing. CEO Charlie Monfort, who became a Christian three years ago, purposely built his team with “character” players, and he believes his organization’s strategy is paying dividends on the field. “We started to go after character six or seven years ago,” he says. “I don't want to offend anyone, but I think character-wise we're stronger than anyone in baseball. Christians, and what they've endured, are some of the strongest people in baseball. I believe God sends signs, and we're seeing those.”

General Manager Daniel O’Dowd takes it a step further.

“You look at things that have happened to us this year. You look at some of the moves we made and didn't make. You look at some of the games we're winning. Those aren't just a coincidence. God has definitely had a hand in this.”

There you have it, God wants the Colorado Rockies to win. And how can you argue? A year after the article was published, the Rockies went on an improbable winning streak in September and October of 2007. They won 21 of 22 games down the stretch, earning their first World Series appearance in franchise history, a feat that can only be explained by the hand of God. But after the amazing run by the Rockies, they were swept by the Boston Red Sox in the World Series, which begs the question, which religion does God like more? Boston is a city deeply rooted in Irish Catholicism, while Colorado is a state that boasts a high number of evangelicals and born-agains. It’s apparent that God has an affinity for the old-school structure and gothic cathedrals of the Catholics rather than the bright lights and flash of Evangelical mega-churches.

Whatever the case, the rest of the league is following suit, starting with the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. Last week, the team announced it would be dropping the “Devil” from its name; to be known now simply as the Tampa Bay Rays. One can only suspect that a contract between the team and Satan himself was signed in 1998, the team’s inaugural year, and management realized it was time for a change. “We were tied to the past, and the past wasn't necessarily something we wanted to be known for. Nobody's running from it or hiding from it, and we're proud of certain aspects of it, but this is something the organization was able to really put their arms around. I hope and expect the fans who come out will see it as a new beginning,” said owner Stuart Sternberg.

With the Rays perennially finishing in last place and failing to compete in the free agent market, a move toward God seems logical. In a celebration that drew 7,000 fans, matching 2007’s home attendance, the Rays also unveiled their new navy blue and light blue jerseys.

The new logo features a yellow burst of light that could possibly represent the star of wonder that the three wise men followed to Bethlehem in search of the newborn savior.

The party was finished off by a concert from actor Kevin Costner and his band, Modern West, a move that seemed to go against the team’s new direction. Quotes one MLB executive: “I was surprised by that choice. If I could think of one band that would be playing in hell, Kevin Costner would front it… or maybe the Bacon Brothers.”

The apparent shift toward Christianity has teams scrambling to keep up. The Los Angeles Angels are offering and “Eternal Salvation Package” to season ticket holders while the Baltimore Orioles have scouts scouring Latin America for players named “Jesus.” This marks a shift in team philosophy that appears to have no end in sight… until the rapture of course.

In Defense of the Phillies

2007-11-12T09:15:00.000-05:00

by Jeremy Rosenberg

These are strange times indeed to be a Phillies fan. The 2007 season was marked by three distinct periods: First, there was the Phils’ annual horrible April, a month during which they seem thoroughly incapable of winning; a bad Phillies April is as sure a sign of spring as blooming trees and melting frost.

Phils fans can't help but scratch their heads when knowing optimism surrounds the current Phillies roster.

At this point, no matter how you feel about the 2008 Phillies, you still can’t bring yourself to believe in them until May 1. The Phils could sign Alex Rodriguez, trade for Johan Santana, have a $400 million payroll, and still muddle their way to a 10-14 record during that cruel, evil month. That was followed by the Phils’ usual pattern: getting really good in May and June, except for mysterious stretches where they went 1-2 against the Royals or some other ridiculous team. This season was particularly special, as the Phillies had to also spend that time answering repetitive questions about their impending 10,000th loss.

This was an easy topic for fans in other cities to latch onto and use to make fun of Phillies fans for daring to root for such an obviously pathetic and loathsome team. And it gave the national media something they hadn’t had in a long time: a reason to bother remembering that the Phillies exist.The problem with the 10,000th loss thing that everyone seemed to ignore was how completely irrelevant it was. It was just a number, nothing more, and a great many of those losses occurred many, many decades before any of us were even born. It was painful to watch the poor Phillies players deal with this issue, as if it was somehow their fault, or their responsibility to justify the poor play of their ancestors.

“Jimmy Rollins, the 1941 Phillies went 43-111. Starting catcher Bennie Warren hit .214. How do you feel about that and how are you going to fix it?”

What were the players supposed to say? The national media’s attitude was both fascinated and scornful, as if it was the job of the 2007 team to win 1,100 games so the franchise could pull even at .500.And finally, the Phils got incredibly hot, capitalizing on the epic collapse of the Mets, which, if you’re a Phillies lover and a Mets hater (like all sensible people), was probably the greatest thing that has ever happened in the history of sports, if not all of recorded human civilization. Sadly, the playoffs were mysteriously canceled before the Phillies could start their series with the Rockies, so we’ll never, ever know how it would have turned out.

Again, the national media seemed less impressed by the Phils winning their division than by the fact that it was the first time the Phils had done so in 14 years, and only the 10th time they’d ever made the postseason in their lengthy history. And it’s true, it’s impossible for even the most apologetic Phillies fan to deny that the Phillies franchise has been generally disappointing and embarrassing. You don’t lose 10,000 games by accident; you lose them by being (a) around for a long time and (b) terrible. The Phils’ history of failure is like the presence of Chris Wheeler: something we all just have to live with.

But we’re not here to rehash the decades of losing, the thrown batteries, or the horribleness of Putsy Caballero. Instead, it can be argued that there are more than enough reasons for optimism. We’re currently in a Phillies golden age: they haven’t had a losing season since 2002, and have, over the past few years, been as much the victims of bad luck as anything else. The Phils had good, even occasionally great, teams in 2003, 2005, and 2006, but had the wild card stolen from them each year by somebody else getting inexplicably hot at the worst possible time (the Marlins, Astros, and Dodgers, respectively). The Phils’ shadowy cabal of unseen owners gets a bad rap for being cheap and greedy, but the team’s payroll in 2008 will be around $105 million – that’s really not too shabby at all. And it’s only the annoying YankSox-centric mentality of sports today that makes us believe you have to spend twice that to win.

The Phils traded for Brad Lidge this week – a great, bold move that serves notice to the pitching-thin Mets and moves Brett Myers back into the rotation (a much better idea than giving an idiotic contract to somebody like Carlos Silva). The Phils’ core of fun, likable, and extremely good players is all home grown, so the team seems to have finally figured out what they’re doing on draft day (no more Jeff Jacksons or Wayne Gomeses!). So feel good, Phillies fans – these guys are built to contend. Forget the 10,000, forget Omar Daal and Chad Ogea. Shed your inferiority complex like Red Sox fans did years ago. The Fightins are for real.

Wow, optimism feels so weird. I think I need a shower…

The sick, cruel, yet awesome world of fantasy football

2007-11-11T20:17:00.001-05:00

by Jim Ballas

Sunday afternoon means there are two exciting things happening: football and fantasy football. Now this is only my second season doing fantasy football (I currently have two leagues), but I find that I’m not only engulfed in it, but it changes the way I watch football.

My entire life, I’ve been a Philadelphia fan. Mostly following the stereotype, I believe in our teams whole-heartedly until they disappoint me. Then it’s fair game for tears, right? Well, fantasy allows me to escape from the 4-5 reality that is the Eagles.

When I was just a die-hard Eagles fan, I would only watch their games, occasionally a division rival’s game and definitely little to no games if the season was like this one. I find that it’s the typical Philadelphia type attitude – of course, the other attitude could be watching them the whole season but still cursing at the team for not firing Reid, McNabb, Lurie, or whoever else Howard Eskin talks about this week.

But now, fantasy changed all that for me. In a constantly upsetting NFC East, I still have my two teams (one with Westbrook and Curtis) to bring it all home for me. But my two teams have more than just the two Eagles players. So because I have players on many different teams, I’m now forced to watch games like the Bills–Jets game. Surprisingly, I love them.

Every time a player you have touches the ball, this excitement runs through your body. Every time a player you have gets hit, you worry that it will be injury. Instead of just watching the game, you get to participate in your very own action.

“You don’t go to the science museum and get handed a pamphlet on electricity. You go to the science museum and you put your hand on a metal ball and your hair sticks up straight,” says Michael Scott, head of the fictional office on The Office (played by Steve Carell).

Watching football has always been a fun activity, but I never liked digesting all the statistics with every game. Now, it’s second nature because I’m following the statistics to keep up in my fantasy league. Michael Scott has it right – the best experience is gained through action, not words (and I suppose in the case of statistics, numbers).

Of course, there are always the negative aspects of fantasy football. People think it takes away from the game, but I think it adds to the excitement, as I’ve said above. I think it can add a little too much personal excitement though. I don’t mean that in the sexual innuendo way, but if you thought that… well, good job. I like where your head’s at.

The personal excitement I mean is this constant agitation, usually in the underperformance of your own players, or worse, the desire for your opponents’ players to become injured so you can win a fantasy football match.

At first, it was common place for my friends and I to say things like, “I hope Braylon Edwards breaks his wrist.” This is a terrible thing to say, especially considering we’re wishing these onto real people. It’s the cost of winning, right?

Well, the cost of winning has led to us now saying things like, “I hope Tom Brady becomes crushed on the field by the camera on the wire above the field.” This is fantasy football talking – the little red devil on my shoulder hoping for some injuries.

So fantasy football isn’t a bad thing, but it has some bad possibilities. All you have to remember is to take it lightly because it’s only a game. It should be fun, and not about hoping for injuries. If in that Mastercard commercial, Peyton was cheering for us to get paper cuts and throw out our backs while we were just doing our jobs, we wouldn’t be too happy.

So I urge you not to hate NFL players and don’t hope for their injury. Except Michael Vick – that one’s OK.

GM Wade helps his former team by dealing closer Lidge to Phils, reality show not too far off

2007-11-10T14:58:00.000-05:00

by Mark Downing

The ghost of Ed Wade has made its return to Philadelphia. Lucky for us, he’s friendlier than Casper. The former Phillies and current Astros GM pulled off a head-scratching five-player move on Wednesday that brought reliever Brad Lidge and reserve infielder Eric Bruntlett to Philadelphia.

Phillies new closer Brad Lidge looks like he wants to kill someone here. And that's exactly the type of personality the Phils need to take the next step.

In return, Houston received a box of baseballs, formally named Michael Bourn, Geoff Geary and Matt Costanza. In Lidge, the Phillies gain the services of a proven closer. In Bourn, the Astros receive a player with blazing speed but a suspect bat and inability to play everyday. Geary is a sometimes-shaky reliever with below average stuff and Costanza is a former second round pick who is projected to be a bench player at best.

There have been questions about Lidge ever since he gave up a homer to Albert Pujols in game five of the 2005 NLCS. The following season he posted a disastrous 5.28 ERA and blew six saves. In 2007, he lost his closer role to Dan Wheeler only one week into the season. With trade speculation swirling, Lidge found his mojo again, regaining his job in June, holding opponents to a .218 average and striking out 88 in only 67 innings. Many times, a change of scenery is just what a player needs, and the Phillies hope that this rings true with Lidge. The other affect of the acquisition is the ability to move Brett Myers back into a starting rotation that hampered the Phillies much of last season.

With this being said, one must ask, “Why does Ed Wade have a job?” With the importance of relief pitching ever increasing and the weak arms of the 2007 free agent crop, Wade seems to have severely underestimated the market for a closer. Mariano Rivera, the gem of this year’s relievers will most likely resign for a mint with the Yankees. That leaves Francisco Cordero, who will have teams lining up to overpay him for his career 44-save 2007 campaign. The Phillies seem to have come out the huge winners in this deal, filling a much-needed hole while giving up next to nothing. This gives me an idea…

“GM for a Year” sponsored by 2K Sports. Players from around the country will compete to build a World Series-winning team using the franchise mode of MLB 2K7. After the finalists are thrown into a Winnebago, America votes one off one by one and a reality show is shot. A winner will emerge. This winner will be given the opportunity to be the GM of a small market team such as Baltimore, Pittsburgh or Cincinnati, while the GM they replaced is forced to manage a Burger King in Oklahoma City. And BAM, two more reality shows are born. In the pilot episode, Ed Wade trades his best grill man and future applicants for a Dominican prospect that reportedly assembles 20 burgers a minute.

A simple solution to a heart-wrenching Eagles season

2007-11-10T14:34:00.000-05:00

by Huggy

Although the NFL is just at the halfway point, we here in Philadelphia knew our Eagles were done the moment they stepped out on the field on September 5th. Normally, an overwhelming sense of optimism greets me at the beginning of each new Eagles season. Yes, by game number one, I’ve forgotten the crushing disappointments of the previous season and I feel refreshed, anew and even aglow at a new year.

This season has been a very frustrating one for the Eagles and the fans. A turnaround is possible though. And Andy Reid has the solution right at his fingertips.

However, this season I had none of those feelings. I was nervous and upset, my palms were sweaty, my heart was racing, and it reminded me of those dreaded school days when you had to deliver your book report to the entire class. Was there ever anything worse than that? I would’ve said no until I started watching the 2007 Eagles. So, after this season comes to its merciful end with the Eagles at 5-11 (maybe) and the Patriots winning another Super Bowl, there will be two main reasons why this team failed. Donovan McNabb? No. Andy Reid’s playcalling? No. The decision to let Donte’ Stallworth (doing his best Rod Brind’ Amour impression with that apostrophe) go? No. The offense not being able to score in the red zone? No. No more Chunky Soup? No. Britt and Garrett Reid? YES.

This is why the Eagles’ season has fallen apart. Those damn kids! It has been beyond painful watching these two train wrecks and the havoc they have wreaked. By the way, I’m no doctor, but smuggling drugs into prison through your rectum may hint at a slight problem, or at the absolute least, a slight lapse in judgment. OK, so think about this. Their actions have affected their father, the coach, Andy Reid. Clearly, Andy can’t do his job because he’s so focused on the mess his kids have created. So, if Andy can’t coach, the Eagles can’t win and then we the fans are the ones let down. Don’t get me wrong, I have sympathy for these kids. It’s incredibly sad to see two young men’s lives spiraling out of control, but why does it have to be Andy Reid’s kids? If it was Mo’ Cheeks’ kids, I’d surely feel bad, but I’d get over it. If it was Howard Eskin’s kids, I’d feel… well, bad example. It’s just plain and simple. We here in Philadelphia take our Eagles seriously. They’re not just a team; they’re a member of each of our families. When they win, we win. When they lose, our lives fall apart.

So, here’s my solution. It’s simple: we as a city need to sit down with Jeffrey Lurie, Joe Banner and the coach himself, and show them there is only one way out of this – Andy Reid must trade his kids.

An early season look at the Dark Horse Sixers

2007-11-10T14:10:00.000-05:00

by Richard Paquette

The leaves have changed, the frost is on the lawn, and the air is crisp. It is officially November and with the first week of the eleventh month out of our way, let us take a look at the NBA and the 76ers.

Not sure what to make of the 07-08 edition of the Sixers? You're not alone. But don't doubt they'll do their best to get our hopes up and let us down like a true Philadelphia sports team.

Expressions have their way of telling you the mood of a setting. If you were to ask some business type on Broad, he would tell you the 76ers have a “snowball’s chance in hell.” If you were to ask a 12-year-old in southwest Philly he would tell you “they’re going to the big dance.” If you were to ask someone on 10th and Race, well, he would just look at you and poke the crabs he has in a wicker basket with some tongs. The point is, the Sixers bring a different vibe to different people this year and there is no overall feeling the city has for them.

Any native Philadelphian who has struggled year in and year out with his/her sports teams will be bitter toward the Sixers. But I am one who can give you an outside perspective and maybe some hope. I sat down and watched my second Sixers game of the short season last night and this is what I have figured out.

1) The team has an inside game. Sammy Dalembert will have a tough time working the big men in the East but there is no reason he shouldn’t be among the top 10 centers by the end of the year. Look at his numbers now: He’s averaging 10 points, 9.5 rebounds, and just over 3 blocks. When the team settles down in their offense, it should be run through him. This team is quick enough to move around him and to the basket. Especially Willie Green, just averaging over 11 points a game now; wait until he is in full swing. His cuts to the basket are quick and watch for him to carry the team in close games during the final two minutes. He might be a reminder of a young A.I. As the season goes on, look for his point average to rise along with the Sixers average score.

2) The team can run. This team is quick. Hell, look at the highlight reel that opens every game. There is a clip of the only white guy on a fast break slamming the ball home. This part of the game is huge when playing against teams that are bigger and sloppy. Fast-break points are such a key stat in today’s smaller and quicker game.

3) Defense. This team seems to have it. They have shut down Chicago and Charlotte. Their defense kept them in the game against New Jersey. Through the first four games they average 86 points against. If this keeps up, the team has a good shot of pulling out victories that they need and maybe even spoil some dreams. The team knows how to play defense. Which brings me to my last point.

4) The team plays as a team. There is no superstar on this team. There is no media coverage. This young team’s roster averages under 26 years. They can go out on the court day after day, play basketball as they want and there is going to be no repercussion. Iguodala is the only one that averages around 20 points, which means the bench and the other starting four are contributing greatly. The city won’t watch them until February, and if they are lucky, the city will stop watching them in March (spring training).

Like any other team, the Sixers have their share of their problems too. Let’s face it. There are reasons nobody is talking Sixers in Philly this fall, plenty of them.

1) They play in the East, which got sexier over the summer; kind of like a Desperate Housewives ad when the show is about to return for a new season. A scantily clad Teri Hatcher is paraded around but make-up and plastic surgery can only help you in the short-run. You are still 43. Anyway, the Sixers are nowhere to be seen on the East radar. Chicago is being favored to go to the Finals. Boston seems to be the odds on favorite to win the Atlantic. Toronto is still abusive. The Nets are healthy. Somehow Detroit is being slept on. Indiana is off to a good start and manages to never miss the postseason. Orlando is young and talented. Oh, and then you have super stars carrying their team like Gilbert Arenas and King James.

2) Mo’ Cheeks, probably one of the top five worst coaches in the league – next to Boston’s Doc Rivers, Pat Reilly in Miami (nobody has destroyed a championship team so fast), Eddie Jordan in Washington, Cleveland’s Mike Brown, and George Karl in Denver.

3) They can’t shoot behind the arc. They don’t have anyone who can get them back in a game in a hurry. They have the fast-break points and the defense which got them back in the game against Toronto, but no one can stop and pop to put three on the board in a hurry. Chicks dig the long ball.

4) They’re free throws could end up hurting them. Korver is the only one close to .900, Willie Green is near the top at .858, but outside of these two players no one is around .800. Even the starting five is averaging less than .700. This will kill them in close games.

The season is up in the air and can promise you nothing in return. So no one is buying, literally. But they can turn out to be this year's Golden State. Back into the playoffs and destroy dreams. They can coast all year by hovering around .500 and get hot at the end. Their last ten games of the season (two against Atlanta, games at Washington and Charlotte, two with Cleveland who may be dead by then) are winnable to sneak into the postseason. PLUS, they have the best card anybody needs to get into the playoffs – the dark horse card. Be sure to cheer for the Sixers this year, but not too loud.

Will the Birds be the pardoned turkey this month or are they just cooked?

2007-11-09T11:42:00.000-05:00

by John Hocker

So the whole world knows that the Eagles are just flapping their wings and not getting anywhere - kind of like a turkey. Once a proud organization, it seems someone took a hunting rifle to this endangered bird, leaving it to squander on the ground looking for answers.

Donovan McNabb and the Eagles are trying to avoid 'turkey of the NFC East' status

A November turnaround might just save the team… maybe. All the analysts were right about the NFC East being the toughest division in the NFC and maybe the NFL. Little did they know that the list of teams would shake up a bit – the Birds on the bottom and the 'Boys on top and the early struggles of the Giants seem to be history. No one thought this is where the Eagles would be.

McNabb has epitomized the wounded bird this season, too. The poor guy came limping into the season and the expectation was that he could lead this team to the Super Bowl. Since the struggles started, he's been taking shot after shot and somehow is still alive. He has been dragging his leg and his pride all over the field trying to avoid the final blow. The talks are swirling about McNabb's return next year. It's up to the rest of the team to keep him here. They need to start dragging their pride around the field. It is possible for the team to pick it up and pull off a respectable season but it’s going to take a team effort, not just the combined effort of #5.

The poor Turkeys have to face a tough schedule the rest of the season. They will face division opponents as well as the AFC East and some of the tougher teams in the NFC, including fellow early-season turkeys, the Saints. It is almost certain that the Eagles will be sitting home after their 16th game but they can still see some improvement and hope for next year. They just need to make a November run, enjoy some turkey at the table and go into December with a plus-.500 record. It's a far shot but the Birds could really use a boost of confidence from their QB and the rest of the team. Then maybe 2008 won't look so bleak at the end of the season.

Richards' hot start leading the way for the Flyers

2007-11-08T14:44:00.000-05:00

by Steve Heald

He didn’t sign a new, glamorous contract. His job wasn’t threatened. So how does one explain Flyers center Mike Richards’ blistering start to the season? In today’s sports world, it seems like only a ridiculously large deal with 19 zeros on the end of it will motivate an athlete to bring their ‘A’ game day in and day out. For Richards, it’s just a way of life. And that’s what Flyers management saw back in 2003 when they drafted him in the first round of the draft, 24th overall.

Flyers center Mike Richards has done it all for the Flyers this year - score, dig for the puck in the corners, pound players' faces in.

Through his first two-plus seasons with the Flyers, his leadership qualities have stood out above anything else – part of the reason he is now one of the Flyers’ alternate captains at just 22 years old – much more than I ever accomplished at that age. That bastard. Anyhoo, Richards has found something this season that has been missing for the most part in seasons past – the scoring touch. His offense wasn’t much of a factor for the Flyers in his first two years. This season is a different story.

Through 14 games this season, he already has a team-leading nine goals, just two short of his career high. He is second on the team in points with 15, one behind Danny Briere. Richards is well on pace to annihilate his career-high 34 from his rookie campaign. And even better news for the Flyers, Richards is putting the puck in the net in any situation – even strength, power play and shorthanded. He has capitalized on the man-advantage three times this season. He also knows how to embarrass the other team’s power play. He has such great ability to read the play and intercept a pass and take it down the ice for a scoring chance. He has already struck twice on the PK this season.

He’s beating guys to the puck, beating goalies glove side and stick side, and beating guys with his fists when the team needs a momentum shift. He has become the player the Flyers expected him to become. He’s bringing back memories of former fan favorites like Mark Recchi, Rod Brind’ Amour and Keith Primeau. Around the league, people have noticed #18 and his game-changing ability. The Flyers and their fans needed someone like Richards to come along.

The media has flocked to the western part of the state ever since Sidney “Flop King” Crosby entered the league in 2005. With all due respect to Sid the Kid… you know what, eff it. No respect to him. He has an unbelievable amount of talent but his acting gets old. Real old. Especially for Philly fans who appreciate a hardworking, passionate player like Richards. Crosby loves flopping and crying for penalties when a player merely brushes by him to get to a puck. We might be only a few acting classes away from seeing him take a dive during a pregame handshake. A player like Richards can hopefully start to take the media’s focus off that attention whore in Pittsburgh.

And it already has in some ways. You might remember last season. You know, the year in which it looked like the team was ruphied before every game and struggled to get a franchise-worst 56 points on the season. A year in which the franchise had no choice but to completely overhaul the coaching and management in place after a humiliating 9-1 loss in Buffalo just six games in. Since then, GM Paul Holmgren has transformed this team into a respectable squad again – one that leads the Atlantic Division. New faces like Briere have been a crucial part to the team’s turnaround. But the newfound confidence in some of the younger veterans has been an enormous lift for this team and the league has taken notice. Richards has anchored this confident attitude and it shows by the way he carries himself on and off the ice.

The Flyers couldn’t be happier right now with Richards’ resurgence. He has been a key player in each of their games and has helped the team to a 9-5 start. What a change from a 3-11 record through 14 games last year. With Richards’ leadership and offensive and defensive presence, the Flyers can look forward to having a talent who can guide the team to success now and in the future. And who knows, maybe a parade down Broad Street is not too far off. But who am I kiddin’? This is Philly.

Philly’s Other Team

2007-11-07T11:55:00.000-05:00

by Jeremy Rosenberg

People! How about some love for the 76ers? You know. You remember. The Sixers! Wilt, Dr. J, Moses, Sir Charles, A.I. The Sixers! Not ringing a bell? OK, remember 1983? 1967? 2001? All those classic series against the Celtics? No? Nothing? “We owe you one”? “Fo fo fo”? Anyone? Well, I didn’t want to do this, but… Shawn Bradley? Sharone Wright? Coming back to you now? Yeah, there you go. The Sixers. Philly’s Other Team™!

The Sixers have played three games already. They’re 1-2. Did you know that? They opened in Toronto on Halloween – did you see it? No? Were you out trick or treating? Or were you reading up on the Eagles/Cowboys match-up, tinkering with your fantasy football team, and coming up with new ways to say “Well, the Rockies were just the better team” to yourself? Probably. Why can’t the Sixers get any love?

Sixers head coach Maurice Cheeks thinking about how he might have more success in Philly if he was a water boy for the Flyers.

The Eagles, their impending, horrific downslide notwithstanding, pretty much own this town, to the extent that (little known fact) they have the legal right to take your stuff if they feel like it, without fear of reprisal. The Flyers’ following remains one of the strongest outside of Canada. And our collective soft spot for the Phillies is the only thing that has kept us from running them out of town on the proverbial rail. Kind of like how you can never quite bring yourself to throw your deadbeat brother out of the apartment, even though he’s unemployed, never pays his half of the rent, and stays up until 4:30 a.m. every night doing crosswords and watching Three’s Company on Nick at Nite.

But the Sixers have always been the least popular team in town. At the moment, it’s no mystery why this is so: they aren’t very good. In fact, there’s a good chance that they’re terrible. Many experts put them at under 30 wins this year. Some even call them the worst in the East. Absolutely nobody is brave or crazy enough to talk playoffs or even suggest that the Sixers might possibly conceive of doing a little playoff flirting. Which is understandable, because they are, as previously noted, not good. One of their pickups this offseason was Reggie Evans – no, you’ve never heard of him, and although the man can definitely rebound (one of the Sixers’ most dire needs in recent years), his shooting is so bad it makes one nostalgic for the scoring touch of a Brian Skinner or Michael Bradley. The Sixers are at least a year away from being even vaguely competitive, and maybe three or more years away from not being an easy punch line for basketball writers. So, you’re excused if you haven’t ordered those season tickets yet.

Indeed, maybe every city with at least four teams has one team and/or sport that isn’t quite as popular as the others. For example, in Boston, fans are currently so obsessed with the tradition and Garnett-havingness of the Celtics; the all-pervasive, inescapable, coast-to-coast media empire that used to be a baseball team known as the Red Sox; and the unchecked, monstrous cruelty of the Patriots. They probably don’t have too much time these days for the Bruins.

But it seems like it shouldn’t be that simple. Philly loves sports and it loves basketball and prides itself on being knowledgeable about both. So why have the Sixers always taken that back seat? Allen Iverson, one of the most interesting, exciting, astonishing talents to ever play the game, was here for 10 years. And sometimes it seems like the 2000-01 season, the Sixers only trip to the Finals with A.I., was the only time that anyone noticed. The rest of the time was just trade rumors, controversies about practice, and run-ins with assorted coaches. “Iverson Fatigue” was keeping fans away from the games, the Philly Inquirer theorized a few years ago. How could anyone be fatigued by that guy? He was amazing. And yet the Sixers’ attendance has been among the worst in the league the last few years – what are we, the Atlanta Hawks?

So maybe it’s Iverson, or the lack thereof. Or maybe it’s Billy King, who’s made just enough dumb moves to make you think that he wandered in off the street, was handed the job, and has just been too polite to point out the mistake (the man can really wear a suit though – you’ve got to give him that). Maybe the NBA in general has alienated everybody – declining TV ratings, crooked refs, dreadfully dull Finals, and the Charlotte Bobcats will do that. Maybe Philly fans can only handle three teams’ worth of heartbreak at a time (which really doesn’t bode well for the MLS team we might get someday).

Or maybe I was right the first time: they’re terrible. Yeah, I probably haven’t been fair – I know we love our Sixers. 1983, 2001, Dr. J, A.I – all those memories will come flooding back, just as soon as we have a team worth watching. Philly needs a good Sixers team – not the mess we have now – and the Wachovia Center will be packed again.

Until then, just the Sixers diehards will show up this year, cheering on Calvin Booth and Louis Amundson, killing time until spring training. Hey, it could be worse. Trust me, it beats watching Kevin Kolb lose to the Seahawks.

Today’s Sportscasters: The Good, The Bad, and The Siragusas

2007-11-07T11:42:00.000-05:00

by Angelo Gonzalez

Sports have always taken great pride in some of their legendary announcers. Names like Harry Caray, Keith Jackson, and Howard Cosell are synonymous with the sports in which they worked. But for every Brent Musburger there is a Tony Siragusa. For every vintage Pat Summeral, there is a too-drunk-to-keep-my-eyes-open Pat Summerall. Some guys are meant for the big stage, others are in need of “Hooked on Phonics.” Here are the good, the bad, and the ugly of today’s sportscasters and sideline reporters.

The Good:

Play-By-Play
Ever since Lake Placid in 1980, Al Michaels has been one of the best announcers in all of sports. Not to mention the fact that he has aged better than anyone in television other than Dick Clark (but everyone knows he’s a robot, thus disqualifying him from contention). I love that you can hear Al’s Brooklyn roots coming through his voice – a voice that once you hear it, you know it’s an important game. Though I must give kudos to ABC and NBC for doing a great job of hiding the box he stands on for telecasts with John Madden. That or he’s constantly on his toes. In which case, the man must have calves like an Olympic sprinter.

Color Analyst
Is there anyone that can argue that Troy Aikman is the best color analyst in the NFL right now? He’s spot on. While his partner Joe Buck gets all the hype, some warranted and some due to his lineage, Troy simply delivers with the psyche of a championship quarterback; he’s intelligent, always calm, and he has a good rapport with his colleagues. Plus, every time they show him in booth, he looks like he can break Joe Buck in half with those freakishly large paws of his. He’s so good at calling the games, I almost forget that he’s a cockroach Dallas Cowboy.

Sideline Reporter
As much as I want to say Erin Andrews for having such huge, wonderful “talents,” I know I need to try and keep this at least a little bit legit. Sunday Night Baseball on ESPN got a huge boost to its team when they acquired the services of Peter Gammons as a sideline reporter. When he says something, you believe him. Considering he’s 114 years old, the guy has accumulated a lot of quality sources. He brings trust, comfort and knowledge to his craft. Though he awards web-gems on “Baseball Tonight,” he himself is the gem during Sunday night telecasts.

The Bad:

Play-By-Play
I’ve heard people argue that Dick Stockton used to be a great play-by-play guy and that may be true. But after years of listening to him mispronounce names, stumble over words and have awkward silences because he’s looking for a player’s name on the depth chart, I’ve begun wondering if his Carlton Fisk days are over. I hate trashing a Philly guy, but Stockton has really gone south. I can forgive him for confusing the names and numbers of obscure players. I’m willing to look past his hairline that doesn’t start until about halfway through his dome and seems to be made up primarily of pubes. I’ll even consider pardoning his eerie likeness to the Crypt Keeper if he could only have any talent in judging plays. Perhaps he could attempt to keep track of the downs. Maybe he could even learn that if a player rushed for six yards on first down, it would bring up second-and four, not third-and-two. Time to hang them up, Dick. Please?

Color Analyst
Using the same criteria as I did for Dick Stockton, I have to admit that Tim McCarver is just not adequate. Listening to him try and explain an uncommon, rare baseball rule, only to do so improperly, is so irritating. I understand that it is his responsibility to explain the intricacies of baseball, but don’t assume that if you make something up, all the viewers will believe you. He is the John Madden of baseball, sans the turducken.

"See there, Joe, when the ball crosses the line before reaching that third base in that series of bases a runner will be running around when establishing contact with the ball, there is be considered a foul ball and runner does not need in fact run to said bases, henceforth where art thou foul. Is."

Sideline Reporter
It would be impossible to find a sideline reporter with half as much cockiness as the ever self-promoting Jay Glazer. Where do I start? As an actual reporter, I think he does his job. As a personality on television, I want to puke. Someone needs to give this cat the number of a tailor because those sleeves on his suits always seem just a bit too long. Perhaps it’s just wishful thinking that his miniature arms may someday fit into those sleeves, but for the time being, he looks like a kid wearing his older brother’s hand-me-downs. And Jay, no one believes you when you say that you just received a call from numerous superstars divulging their availability to play. And if they did, how did you earn that? Did you paint yourself blue and play a Smurf at their kid’s birthday party? Regardless, settle down little guy. And someone please buy him a towel to wipe that sweaty noggin before he goes on the air.

The Ugly:

Play-By-Play
Taking into account that only about 11% of football fans even have the NFL Network, it is still hard to argue against Bryant Gumble being the worst thing that ever happened to play-calling. I have created a cause-and-reaction relationship with Bryant. It works like this: he speaks, and I have a seizure. He doesn’t know the game of football at all whatsoever. His brother Gregg, he is not. Just watch and listen to Cris Collinsworth try his best not to laugh (or cry) while working games with the younger Gumble brother. He is definitely the black guy that says “dawg” and you immediately urinate in your pants from laughter. You should’ve stayed on the Today Show.

Color Analyst
Thankfully for Joe Theismann, he is no longer a color commentator for ESPN, or anyone for that matter. He would have easily been the obvious choice here. Instead, I’m forced to go elsewhere. I have to say, as much as I like this guy, he needed to find a place on this list and so here he is. Bill Walton could quite possibly be the weirdest color analyst in all of sports. He only uses a few general catchphrases a game that seem to carry him for four quarters. By far my favorite one of all is, “Throw it down, big man. Throw it down!” I also love all his superlatives followed by “in the history of the Western Civilization.” For example, he might say “greatest pass in the history of the Western Civilization,” or “worst foul in the history of the Western Civilization.” Besides, physically, he’s probably the ugliest commentator in the NBA. Bill Walton – ugly in all the right ways.

Sideline Reporter
I don’t know how much money FOX pays Tony Siragusa, but any amount would be like throwing money into a paper shredder. The loudmouth, former defensive tackle needs to be taken out back and left for dead by someone similar to the character he played on The Sopranos. Instead of Goose, his nickname should be “obese, overpaid, waste of air time.” What do you think? Too strong? Clearly, preparation is not part of his work routine. FOX, please do everyone a favor and relieve him of his duties as a sideline reporter before we all lose more brain cells upon hearing the sound of his voice.

Sports Utopia

2007-11-05T20:19:00.000-05:00

by Richard Paquette

What is your perfect day? Sitting on white sandy beaches, sipping Mojitos, enjoying the sun? Shopping on Sunset Boulevard or Sixth Avenue? Skiing in Aspen? Holding the boom mic on the set of a porn movie? Whatever it is, I will tell you right now it is nowhere near the sports utopia feeling the city of Boston is living in right now.

The city of Boston has been doin' a lot of celebrating lately and might have plenty more to do in the coming months. Meanwhile, Philly fans are still grabbing for the dictionary every time they see the word "celebrate."

Boston? BOSTON? This was the city that was cursed. Where names like Bucky Dent and Bill Buckner used to haunt Red Sox fans. Bruins fans will always feel despair because they never gave a championship to Ray Bourque. The Celtics were prematurely about to hang the laces up on another season this decade when they did not win a top-two spot in the lottery. Eight weeks ago Boston College was not even ranked and every one was talking about how the Patriots season was going to be radically different after Spygate.

In the sports world, this city pulled a complete 180-degree turn. It is as if the sports franchises of the city got together on top of Hancock Place, put their proton packs on, crossed the streams and totally reversed all the negative sports stories in the town. Let’s face facts. The Red Sox are World Series champions. The Patriots are 9-0 after just handing a crushing loss to the previously-unbeaten Colts in Super Bowl 41.5 on the Colts’ home turf. The Golden Eagles are ranked number two in the country and have a legitimate shot at running the table and playing in the BCS game in January. The Bruins have completely changed their team around and are significantly better this year. By far, this is the most exciting NBA season for the city since the Bird-McHale Era.

Being a New England native, I feel like Ferris Bueller. No matter what I do it can’t go wrong. The bad things only happen to our close friends and enemies – like Jets head coach Eric “Man-Genius” Mangini who ratted out his former employer. The Jets are 1-8. The Yankees lose Torre and A-Rod to the NL of all places too. The rest of the ACC is terrible, mediocre at best. As for the Sixers and Knicks… well, we do not even need to comment. The only exception to this Bueller-esque feeling is the effing Canadiens. God, I hate Montreal. But things can’t be perfect, can they?

So, what is next? Let me dabble in the hypothetical for a moment, and you should come along for the ride. Suppose the Patriots run the table and go 19-0. The Celtics represent the East in the Finals and push six or seven games. BC wins the BCS. As for the Bruins, I will be contempt on making the playoffs. If the city wins three championships and makes five postseasons in 2007, Boston just might implode.

Where do we go from there? It can’t happen two straight years. The only thing we can do is prepare ourselves for the ride down. I’m going to do my best to enjoy the clinks and clanks on the rollercoaster ride up as each sports season climbs the hill. I’ll enjoy the loops, the curves, and the sidewinders as well. But the coaster stops eventually, and we will be back in the pack, in the hunt, and the clinks and clanks will have to start all over again.

Eagles turning to Russell Crowe for game plan vs. Big D

2007-11-03T01:27:00.001-04:00

by Jim Ballas

It seems once again that Philadelphia gets to be disappointed by a sports team it loves. The way things are shaping up, it could be the Eagles who let us down the most.

Once again in the preseason, the Eagles were celebrated as being one of the best teams in the NFC. And once again, the hearts of Philadelphia dropped as the Eagles lost two weeks ago on a last-minute drive led by Bears quarterback Brian Griese.

Andy Reid is like the mean, hot girl you knew from high school (and I bet that’s a comparison he gets often). He’ll play with the fans’ hearts by beating up on the Lions 56-21, but then lose to the Giants because the team can only score a field goal. He is that hot cheerleader that fools a nerd into thinking she’ll go to prom with him but in the end, he’s left crying with a corsage on prom night.

Philadelphians, mop up those tears. There is hope. Watching the Vikings game was like watching sparks of brilliance. Shutting down running back Adrian Peterson was a huge step for the defense. And with Dawkins back this week, expect a defense that will not fall to the Cowboys.

And defense is the key to us winning the Cowboys game. They’re coming to Philadelphia – walking into the lion’s den and they are not afraid. Well, they are mistaken. The Cowboys are basically the emperor from Gladiator. They think they can hurt the Eagles a little and then come pounding away, but the Eagles will not go down so easily.

The Eagles are basically the spitting image of Maximus. Maximus lost his son. Reid is losing both of his. Maximus was betrayed by people who should’ve supported him. McNabb was betrayed by the overdramatic Terrell Owens. This game sounds like a movie. Let’s not forget that the underdogs tend to win in the movies.

Once again, our defense is the key. We need to bump Owens on the line of scrimmage. We can’t let Tony Romo dump to Jason Witten a lot. And we can’t let Marion Barber run up the middle. They have some solid weapons on the Cowboys but we can draw ours quicker.

If our defense plays well, it should allow our offense to step up. Westbrook will run amuck on Sunday night. It was great seeing Reggie Brown have a solid performance last week and another one from him would be huge. And with Kevin “the fastest white guy in the league” Curtis, we should have some deep threats, barring McNabb being less than confident with the cannon on his shoulder.

Hopefully on Sunday night we go to sleep as the 4-4 Eagles. The Cowboys will come riding into Philadelphia this weekend, but they won’t leave happy. Romo is burning, and there will be 70,000 people waiting to play the fiddle as they watch.

Philadelphia fans, we all may be considered crazy, but to love a team this much, don’t we kind of have to be?

“Idiotman,” Eagles ready for the Cowboys

2007-11-03T00:37:00.000-04:00

by Nick Takach

“Idiotman.” The name alone conjures up only the worst of images, like the time your drunk uncle passed out in the gravy on Thanksgiving. For Brian Dawkins, the six-time pro-bowl free safety for the Philadelphia Eagles, the name refers to the man/monster/manster that he becomes when he steps onto the football field. And with this Sunday night’s game versus the talentedly-vile 6-1 Dallas Cowboys, “Idiotman” is set to make his much anticipated return.

The Eagles' defense will have an identity again as energetic/part-lunatic safety Brian Dawkins returns from injury on Sunday against the Cowboys. Red Bull sales are expected to hit record numbers this week now that #20 is back.

Out since the week 2 home loss to the Washington Redskins, the third most-hated team in the division, B-Dawk has been the biggest cheerleader for the team, if not the ugliest (no offense). Dawkins could be spotted on the sideline in each of the Eagles’ home games leading the raucous chant of E-A-G-L-E-S that reverberated onto the streets of South Philly every time they scored a touchdown (which wasn’t that often).

In the Cowboys, the 3-4 Birds will face both formidable and familiar foes. The formidable: Roy “King Horse Collar” Williams, who helped end McNabb’s 2005 season prematurely when the Cowboy safety ran back an interception for a score that sent the team into the tank and McNabb to the shelf with a groin injury.

The familiar: The uncharacteristically and astoundingly soft-spoken Terrell Owens. With T.O. acting so prim and proper in his second year in Dallas, it makes one almost certain that Jerry Jones is the devil. His 556 yards of receiving and five touchdowns have also helped lead the ‘Boys.

With Dawkins’ return this Sunday, it makes many fans more excited to watch the Birds’ defense instead of an offense that has become extremely claustrophobic when it reaches the red zone.
Just the chance to see #20 float over to T.O.’s side on a go route and flatten him into Lincoln Financial Field is worth the price of admission. Well, almost.
Their defense also seems to be at its best right now, with Dawkins and pro-bowl cornerback Lito Sheppard, who is playing in his second game since hurting his knee in week one, looming in the secondary. In fact, there is only one gaping hole in the Eagles’ defense, and his nickname’s “The Freak.”

It would also be nice to see the defense wipe that genuine, yet still disgusting smile off of Tony Romo’s grill. The Dallas Quarterback, who just inked a six-year deal worth around $66 million, is showing some strides in becoming one of the league’s best. But if the rumors are true, and he is “involved” with Britney Spears, that smile might have already started packing its bags and looking for the phone number of the nearest clinic.

The Cowboys leading the NFC East with a 6-1 record poses another threat. They’re good. In fact, they are the best team in the NFC right now. And if they defeat the Eagles on Sunday, the Birds will fall to 0-3 in their division, two of the losses coming at the Linc, putting any hope of winning the division to rest. On a positive note, this is the first game in a long time we will see the full compliment of Eagles’ starters on both sides of the ball.

The offense has steadily improved over the last few weeks with quarterback Donovan McNabb throwing for 333 yards and a touchdown last week in their road win against Minnesota and ex-Eagle offensive coordinator Brad Childress. Another good sign for McNabb and the offense was the designed run they called for him last week. Half brilliant, and, yes, half insane, the play went for positive yards and meant that at least defenses will have to look for it to happen again. Overall, the hop in his step that he has shown since coming back from knee surgery is something that all Eagles fans can take solace in (if you do take solace in football). That’s not to mention the biggest weapon on the entire team – halfback Brian Westbrook. He has carried this team on his diminutive back while the rest of the offense has struggled to find its rhythm. With 536 yards rushing at 4.9 yards a clip, three touchdowns and 345 yards receiving with two scores, Westbrook has made himself into a premiere stud running back in the NFL.
That’s what the Eagles have. The Cowboys, on the other hand, come in with the second-ranked offense in the league to go along with the sixth-ranked defense. So Dallas certainly has the statistical advantage in all the right places. But has McNabb turned the corner? His Chunky Soup diet may have kicked in for the better. As for Britney Spears, she’s serving up her own kind of chunky. Hopefully that diet will slow down Romo and the Eagles can walk away with a W on Sunday night.

Super Bowl in November?

2007-11-02T09:29:00.000-04:00

by AJ Gonzalez

Once in a while, a certain game will pique our curiosity to the point of suffocation. For weeks, it’s all you hear about. Sometimes it’s warranted, and sometimes it’s not. Typically, we create a whirlwind of interest that, unfortunately, usually proves to be disappointing in the end. Sort of like for all those creepy perverts that had a countdown going for the Olsen twins’ 18th birthdays, only to be let down once they grew up into the anorexic, baggy clothes-wearing, dirty hair-sporting, frog-looking adults they are today. Seriously, is that just me, or what? Nevertheless, we cling to the opportunity to latch onto the next “big one” in hopes that it will satisfy our palates of sporting pleasure. That game is upon us again.

"Tom, I'd love to stay and chat about your perfect hair but I have another commercial shoot to get to."

When the New England Patriots fly into Indy to take on the Colts this Sunday, people will be hoping to get the Alyssa Milano version, not the Mary-Kate one. Perhaps Super Sunday has come three months early.

There are only two championship-caliber teams in the NFL – the Colts and the Pats. I just don’t understand why it had to be these two teams. I mean, looking at Peyton Manning from certain angles, I’ve noticed he slightly resembles Sloth from “The Goonies.” I keep waiting to hear him scream, “Baby Ruth! Baby Ruth!” when he’s having his normal seizure at the line of scrimmage. On the flip side, Tom Brady is perhaps a little too GQ for football, especially during his fashion shows, err, press conferences after each game. Metrosexual pretty much sums him up. Yet here they are, playing one another, each with their dream of a perfect season on the line. Not to mention the insane amount of bragging rights these powerhouse rivals share. Even so, this game boasts the two best quarterbacks in the game, two of the best head coaches, arguably the two best receiving corps, and perhaps the most opportunistic defenses in the league. It seems to be a recipe for some fireworks and a workout for the scoreboard adjuster.

Be that as it may, can any regular season game in the first week of November really be considered the biggest game of the year? Can the Super Bowl match the intensity and competitiveness of Sunday’s game? Like a lifelong bachelor on his wedding day, it’s all down hill from here. Think about it. Are there any rivalries amongst two contending clubs that even comes remotely close to this one? Nope. Are there any teams even on the same playing field right now? Don’t think so. Even in the midst of the most hyped regular season games in recent memory, could we actually be underestimating the magnitude of this game? This is quite possibly THE biggest game of the year. Advertisers should be paying the megabucks for the right to broadcast commercials during this telecast. People should be throwing lame parties with corny football-shaped bowls and cups that they bought on sale at Target. We need to treat this game as if it were taking place in Arizona in February. Of course if we promote the game too much, it’ll end up like Christmas. You know, you go from buying barbeque grills in August to Christmas decorations in September. By the time December rolls around, you want to hang Santa with extra lights. Being from Philly, I understand resentment toward the big guy in red. Anyway, what’s the worst that could happen? It’ll be a blowout and the score won’t even be close? Who cares? Many Super Bowls have gone that way anyhow.

Sadly, we occasionally are afraid to dive into the mystique of a much-publicized game such as this one for fear of being let down. Regrettably, the only certainty I can promise is that you won’t find another game on this season’s schedule with as much bad blood or talent level. If all goes well, we can save ourselves the mediocrity that will be Super Bowl XLII. Then again, what is there to do in February? And if for no other reason, watch the game and wait to see if Peyton does the Truffle Shuffle with his boy Chunk.

Hockey is spelled R-O-D

2007-11-01T16:17:00.000-04:00

by Tim Chicirda

After watching the 2006 Stanley Cup Playoffs and witnessing a hat trick just last week, I would just like to say that former Flyer Rod Brind'Amour is the greatest hockey player of all-time. He is 37 and, like a fine wine, he gets better with age, as he is currently fourth in NHL scoring with 18 points in 12 games.

You are the man, Rod.

Former Flyer Rod Brind' Amour used both his dominant faceoff skills and an intimidating mid-surname apostrophe to help the Hurricanes win the Stanley Cup in 2006.

I have been a Flyers fan my entire life and have had many favorite players through the years.

It can be argued that Dale Hawerchuk was my all-time favorite, for he had one of the most underrated careers ever. I also went through an Eric Desjardins stage, but that didn’t last too long. There is definitely no arguing that I enjoyed watching a conscious Eric Lindros more than any other, as he worked his magic throughout the years. After that, I became fond of Keith Primeau. Today, I would have to say that no one player hypes me up like Sami Kapanen (yes, he is in my MySpace Top 8. This is no lie.)

However, I believe it to be truth that consistently, over the course of my Flyers life, Rod Brind'Amour was my day-to-day favorite player.

I love you, Rod.

What other player would ride the stationary bike more than Brind'Amour? The dude was an animal on that thing. How can you not love a man who sits in an empty arena hours before the puck drops, meditating and visualizing the ensuing battle? Granted, in reality, the man may be a psychotic serial killer, but still!

Go Rod, Go!

And that nose. Ahhh, that nose. His nose has suffered more breaks than dishes from a bus boy with Parkinson’s, and he still carried an impressive iron man streak with the Fly Guys. It does not matter how many hills and valleys are on that schnoz, it is still beautiful to me.

I admire you, Rod.

The scrappy play of this man is what makes me love him the most. Grinding the puck out of the corner and winning strength battles in the face-off circle is just another day at the office for #17. And when he is done fighting for his team, the chewed-up, slobber-filled mouthpiece, hanging out of his mouth, gives him a legendary characteristic that I will indeed tell my future children about. That scrappiness makes him a wonderful captain, and gives him my personal nickname, Scrappy Cappy.

I will follow you, Rod.

With his jersey halfway tucked in, his nose piercing through the cold air above the hockey rink and his hair flapping like old glory, Rod Brind'Amour is definitely my favorite non-Flyer and one sexy individual.

I salute you, Rod.

Now, I used to be hard on my man when he wore the orange and black. I would call him Rod Backhand'Amour for his frequent and unnecessary tendency to resort to the backhand in many situations. I would also ridicule him on his unappealing looks, specifically his nose. I sincerely regret any of this, as I now realize that he is sloppily dapper and the greatest hockey player of all time, better than Gretzky, Lemieux, Howe, Orr and Crosby.

I’m sorry, Rod.

When the Flyers traded Rod the Bod for Keith Primeau, I was hurt and had an immediate hate for the concussion-stricken Flyers captain. I learned to love Primeau and he was my favorite Flyer for some time there, especially after his performance in the 2004 playoffs. However, I am pretty sure that I would reverse that trade if given the opportunity, even if concussions were not an issue. I have a certain itch and only Brindy can scratch it.

I yearn for you, Rod.

Look at the name: Rod Brind'Amour. It is classic. Rod, whether it is short for Rodney or not, is abrupt, yet regal, and it demands the respect of the entire human race. And, how cool is it that his last name has an apostrophe after five letters. That is rebellious and the coolest thing ever.

Ku'dos t'o y'ou, Rod.

Anyway, it is my belief that there is a little Rod in all of us (wow, that doesn’t sound good). But, taking our minds out of the gutter, you will see that I speak the truth. I sometimes feel that I am the Rod Brind'Amour of my men’s league hockey team. I am an iron man, who does all the scrappy, grinder work that helps the team immensely, yet does not get credited. But, like Rod, I’m humble, and that’s OK because I take pride that I am playing hockey the right way… the Rod Brind'Amour way.

You’re my idol, Rod.

If and when the Flyers are no longer in contention, I hope that you all watch this god in action and root for the legendary Rod Brind'Amour to hoist Lord Stanley’s Cup.

He will win a few more before his 2030 retirement. I know he will.

Go get ‘em, Rod!

Hey, NFL. Man up.

2007-10-31T19:17:00.001-04:00

by AJ Gonzalez

One thing is for sure; the NFL has become a league divided. We live in a time where the varsity and the junior varsity squads mix it up every Sunday and Monday…and sometimes Thursday…and occasionally Saturday. Unfortunately, the balance of this league is as lopsided as America’s dominance over the rest of the world in basketball. Wait, can’t use that example anymore. OK, it’s as lopsided as Tara Reid’s surgically-mangled breasts. There are two, that’s right, only two good teams in this year’s National Football League. The other 30 teams? They range anywhere from decent to barely as good as Temple University, a.k.a. God awful. One of those two good teams, the New England Patriots, has taken some flack for being unrelenting in the scoring department.

Tara Reid and the National Football League have a lot more in common than one might think.

The lone objective to playing football in the NFL is to win games. At least, that’s what it should be. Seriously, who wouldn’t like to use it as a platform to be named the best-dressed man in the world and impregnate supermodels? Way to go, Tommy boy. However, it seems as though winning is solely justified if it’s within the parameters of what is considered respectful and classy. Since when has this league become a beacon of everything that is politically correct and just? Isn’t the guy whom the NFL’s PR department rammed down our throats for the past six years about to do time for murdering Rover and Fluffy, while also financially supporting an illegal gambling operation? Yet on the heels of the Pats 52-7 stomping of the Washington Redskins, people want to slam Bill Belichick for having his players perform their duties as, get this, men? How does playing hard for 60 minutes suggest a lack of professionalism? If anything, the classless team is the one crying because your team was manhandled like 18-year-old fresh meat at the state penitentiary.

I remember taking my little brother to his basketball games last winter, and I was floored when I found out that score hadn’t been kept for the sake of not hurting anyone’s feelings. Though I disagreed, I could understand their logic. Same goes for my cousin’s tee-ball league that had a five-run per inning maximum mercy rule. Those are children’s sports. Not ridiculously overpaid professionals whose job is to either score points, or disallow the opposing team from scoring. At some point you need to ask yourself, when did football become an episode of Dr. Phil? You have to worry about your opponents’ self-esteem now? What next? Steroids are going to be replaced with estrogen? Are the coaches going to pull the team bus over to get ice cream cones at Dairy Queen for giving a good effort? Man up. It’s bad enough nowadays that players miss games with toe injuries, and now they are going to cry foul play when other teams don’t treat them like fragile little lambs? I have seen episodes of Sex and the City feature more balls than that.

Perhaps these teams would prefer to be remembered as sore losers rather than forgotten like newborn baby girls in China. Either way, it’s a sad way to stir up the pot. So to the fans, coaches, and players of the Redskins, Dolphins, and other inferior franchises, I say this: cry me a river; then build a bridge to get over it. Here’s a tissue to wipe those tears of embarrassment. Maybe next time you play New England, we can all sit around a campfire and sing happy songs while roasting marshmallows. Or you could possibly wake up and realize that you were born with the anatomy of a man and attempt to play the violent contact sport that is football.

The NFC, the NL and NBA East: crying on each others' shoulders

2007-10-31T19:16:00.001-04:00

by Richard Paquette

We have witnessed during this decade, century, and, hell, millennium, complete dominance of conferences in our major sports. It seems as if talent is segregated by conference with the advantage going to the American League, American Football Conference, and the NBA’s West. These three conferences are all guilty of acting like Clint Eastwood in a Sergio Leone western. I’m not going to bore you with facts; they are there and easily accessible if you do not already know this. The problem is nobody cares that the talent has shifted so wildly. The sports media has just given up on the quality of championships.

Why do you think more people watch The View than the World Series? When the Red Sox and the Yankees finish their ALCS, nobody bothers with the World Series because more often than not, the American League comes back with the trophy.

Did anybody even watch the NBA Finals this year? I think more men died of erotic asphyxiation over those seven days in June than tuned into ABC to watch Lebron and his Cavs get swept. The Spurs, Suns, Mavericks, and Lakers are the attraction in June.

And the Super Bowl – the only reason people turn into that anymore is because of the stupid commercials. Face the facts – at your office, more people will talk about some stupid 30-second blip of something they will never enjoy (besides Budweiser or Bud Light) than the actual entertainment of the sport. The last few football seasons are all about Manning vs. Brady in January, not February.

So how do we end this problem? We can’t. The leagues and the media like it this way so it stays this way. This year the National League in baseball was made fun of numerous times as being Quadruple-A quality. Let’s face it – chicks still dig the long ball, which is why the American League is sexier. Newly affluent young black men want to play in the beautiful southwest these days. They don’t want to play in Boston, Cleveland, Washington, New York, Philly, etc. As for the NFL, elite players wind up in the AFC where as hyped players end up busting in the NFC.

Let us speak of this year. We could be on the brink of change. The World Series are about to begin with the hottest team in baseball, the Colorado Rockies, winners of 21 of their last 22, against the best team in the regular season, the Boston Red Sox. The Packers and Cowboys are no longer undefeated, but they are among the elite in the league this year and the Cowboys could represent the NFC well in the Super Bowl. As for the NBA, balance could be restored with the help of the young Bulls team, the newly acquired talent in Boston, a Pistons team with a mission, and of course King James in Cleveland.

We could be on the verge of a return to balance in the conferences. Or it could just be a pipe dream of this writer. In the end, I guess it does not matter if conferences dominate a sport as long as everyone still enjoys the playoffs and the finals, but ratings beg to differ.